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Toe ek laas jaar die Pienk Vere reeks ontwerp het en skrif verse gekies het vir elke maand van die deskpad kalender, het ek ervaar die Here sê ek moet blog oor elke maand se skrif wat gekies was.
Ek het dit gedoen sonder om te huiwer en steeds nie lekker geweet HOE ek dit gaan doen nie, hoe gereeld ek dit gaan doen nie of waaroor ek gaan skryf nie. Ek het by myself gedink ek gaan seker net een inskrywing maak oor die skrif.
Maar hier is ek nou, besig met hoofstuk 3. Veral die skrif oor Debóra is vir my interessant gewees, want hoeveel kan mens nou skryf oor die bietjie wat ons kan lees in die Bybel? En dis nou waar die Lewende Woord van God in kom. Jy sien, hoe meer jy dit lees en hoe meer jy daaroor dink (ek doen dit heeldag en aldag terwyl ek werk) hoe meer openbaar die Here vir mens.
Vrydag was ons by ons kinders se interhuis atletiek. Dit was interessant en nuut vir ons, want dis mos ‘n nuwe skool en ons is so bietjie uit dit uit wat sulke aktiwiteite aanbetref. Langs ons onnodige groot geleende gazebo was daar ‘n ouerpaar onder ‘n strand sambreel.
Ons nooi hulle toe om die skaduwee van die groot gazebo saam met ons te deel as die son te veel raak. Aanvanklik het hulle wel in ons gazebo se skaduwee gesit langs aan en soos wat die son oorskuif het hulle toe wel langs ons gesit.
Op ‘n stadium (voor ons almal onder die skaduwee gesit het), sien ek die vrou se laptop is aan en sy sit met oorfone op. Sy het ‘n virtuele vergadering. Sommer so langs die atletiekveld. Ek besef dadelik dat ek nie alleen is om al die balle in die lug te hou nie.
Ek weet dit lankal reeds, maar dis asof die Here dit net weer vir my kom wys. Almal het een of ander uitdaging. Meerderheid vrouens is deesdae Beroepsvrouens. Almal het ‘n rol wat hulle vertolk.
Almal kan identifiseer met Debóra wat ‘n Beroepsvrou was. Almal staan aan die begin van die nuwe werksjaar, skooljaar, wat ookal die nuwe jaar vir jou beteken – almal staan voor hom en moet weer in die ritme van dinge kom. Soms voel mense of hul alleen is en die enigste een is wat voel soos hulle voel.
Daarom dat Debóra se skrif gekies was vir Januarie. Om almal net so bietjie te help en te ondersteun. Om te weet jy is nie alleen nie. Ons almal wat vrouens is wat in beroepe staan het een of ander uitdaging.
We are not alone! Weet dit net, jy is nie alleen nie! Almal voel soos hul voel by tye en dis ook ok. Die belangrikste is om God se soek in alles en in Sy rus in te beweeg. As ons in Sy rus is, val alles in plek. Dit is wel makliker gesê as gedaan, veral as jy soos ek is en als probeer beplan en reg doen sonder foute die eerste keer….
As I am struggling to cope with our new routine (the routine is hectic with getting up earlier and everything having to happen 1 to 2 hours earlier than what we are used to AND this entry took a week to finish between and amongst everything else), I wonder about Deborah. Did she have kids? I cannot see that from the information available in the Bible.
She was married, that I know. What I also noted was that she was a leader. Why do you say she was a leader? You may ask. Well, she was a judge and judges portray a leadership role.
But the biggest of all is that she was a prophet. Wow. That is huge. Profits have this special connection with God (my opinion) and not that other normal people don’t have that connection – I am sure you understand what I am trying to say. But in that time, in her time, God only spoke through the prophets…..
I jump back to reality, to 2022. I, Elsie, cannot compare myself to Deborah. What I can do is to try and learn and understand what she did in the Bible and maybe try to apply some of it in my own life.
I most definitely would like to have had an interview with Deborah. I think I would have had more than 20 questions. How do you feel after a long day’s work? Do you get tired? Do you become impatient with your husband (and children)? Do you get frustrated with your work?
So the list of questions go on and on. I think the most important point that I want to close off with about Deborah is that she was a normal person (I don’t read anywhere in the Bible that she was born with golden teeth and silk for hair). No, she was just a human….one that was prepared to be God’s instrument.
Deborah was a woman, a leader, a prophet. She was God’s instrument that He used to address the Israelites…..just as I was finishing off this entry, I drove behind a car with Jer 1v5 on it. Just that. Not Jeremiah written out in English or Jeremia in Afrikaans.
I read the scripture in the Bible. I think I was like one of those cartoon characters whose jaws fell open. It reads as follows: Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.(KJV).
Wow, that is just a confirmation to me and just connects and fits in with the scripture of this month. God has chosen each and everyone of us even before we were formed in the mother’s womb, to be where we are today. To do what we have been called to do. That is HUGE. We cannot put God in a box, even though we sometimes try…..
Nou soos wat ek self probeer spartel en cope met ons nuwe roetine (die roetine is rof met vroeg op en alles net 1 of 2 ure vroeër probeer doen EN die inskrywing het my ‘n goeie week gevat om klaar te maak tussen als deur), wonder ek by myself oor Debóra. Het sy kinders gehad? Ek kan nie dit sien uit dit tot ons beskikking in die Bybel nie.
Sy het wel ‘n man gehad – dit weet ek. Wat ek ook raak lees is dat sy ‘n leier was. Hoekom sê jy sy was ‘n leier? Vra jy dalk. Wel, sy was ‘n regter en regters vertolk rolle van leierskap.
Maar die grootste van dit alles is dat sy ‘n profeet was. Wow. Dis groot. Profete het hierdie special konneksie met die Here, (my opinie) nie dat ander normale mense dit nie het nie – ek glo jy verstaan wat ek hier probeer sê. Maar in daardie tyd het die Here slegs met die volk gepraat deur profete…
Ek spring weer terug na realiteit toe, na 2022 toe. Ek wat Elsie is, kan NIE myself met Debóra vergelyk NIE. Wat ek wel kan doen is om te probeer leer en verstaan wat sy gedoen het in die Bybel en dalk so ietsie van dit te probeer toepas in my eie lewe.
Ek sal vir seker ‘n interview met Debóra wou gehad het. Ek dink ek sou haar gepeper het met vrae. Hoe voel jy na ‘n lang dag se werk? Word jy moeg? Raak jy ongedullig (die korrekte spelling gee net nie die hoeveelheid ongeduld deur in my opinie nie) met jou man (en kinders)? Raak jy gefrustreerd met jou werk?
So gaan die lysie aan en aan. Ek dink die belangrikste waarmee ek vandag wil afsluit oor Debóra is dat sy ‘n doodgewone mens was (ek lees nêrens dat sy met goue tande en sy-agtige hare gebore was nie). Nee sy was net ‘n mens…wat bereid was om God se instrument te wees.
Debóra was ‘n vrou, ‘n leier, ‘n profeet. Sy was God se instrument wat Hy gebruik het om met die volk mee te praat….net soos wat ek die inskrywing finaliseer en klaar getik het, ry ek een middag agter ‘n kar. Die skrif op die kar? Jer 1v5 – nie Jeremiah in Engels of Jeremia in Afrikaans nie. Nee net so verkort soos hy hier geskryf staan.
Ek gaan lees die skrif vers in die Bybel. Ek dink ek was soos een van daai cartoon karakters wie se kakebeen tot op die grond oopgeval het. Dit lees as volg: Voordat Ek jou in die moerderskoot gevorm het, het Ek jou geken; en voordat jy uit die liggaam voortgekom het, het Ek jou geheilig, Ek het jou tot ‘n profeet vir die nasies gemaak. (Afrikaans 1953 vertaling).
Wow dit is net vir my bevestiging en sluit so mooi aan by die skrif vir hierdie maand. Die Here het ons elkeen gekies nog voordat ons gevorm was om te wees waar ons vandag is. Om te doen waarvoor Hy ons geroep het. Dis GROOT. Ons kan nie God in ‘n boksie plaas nie, tog probeer ons soms dit doen….
Oh my WORD!! Let me tell you, we are all still trying to recover from the first week back in routine and on top of it all, a new school with new times and everything new in terms of routine.
You name it, it is new for us…..books must be covered and that is literally happening between 3 and 4 in the morning (ok maybe rather between 4 and 5 in the morning) because there is no other time to do this. I feel like a sleep walker. I become MOMSTER.
My husband asks me what is wrong, I probably looked at him with this expression on my face. You know, the one that says That is a stupid question dude! I have been up since 4 in the morning! I don’t think I really answered him, except saying that I am TIRED. But we survived.
How, I do not know, but we did. We were not late for school, got everything done that the school had asked us to do and I could manage to attend my exercise class on Wednesday afternoon. You are probably wondering why it is so heavy for us to get back into routine? Previously we could drop our kids a bit later in the mornings, but now we have to drop them half an hour earlier, which means that everything we do must move up by a half an hour or even more…..it is a lot and a huge adjustment….and where we live it means we must travel more and further than people that live in town…
With this uncertainty inside me, I wonder HOW I am going to manage everything this year, especially this month and February. Normally there is not enough time to get everything done, now even more so. On top of it all we have to attend some school activities, fitting it in between everything else….
I hyperventilate when no one is watching, because I must keep my pose. I still want to panic and run like the gif of Sponge Bob and Patrick, running and screaming like a crazy person. How do people do it?? How do other moms get it right??
How do people that work from 8 to 5 full time, without domestic workers do it? How do you stay sane AND get time for yourself AND all the other admin in and around the house? Do they sleep less? I wonder by myself. It always feels as if there are things that have to be sorted out, when are we supposed to do that?
Maybe their speed is faster than mine? Maybe I am a sloth and just so very sloooooow? That is how I feel. Is it because I am becoming older? Or is this the repercussions from the Pandemic? All these questions wash through my mind, coming in like waves, breaking, pulling back, becoming calm only for the next round of waves of questions to roll in.
Yesterday morning I have a chat with my husband. He recons we must just roll with the punches and take it one day at a time. I am stressing unnecessarily according to him. I look at him, again with a weird expression on my face, and think to myself HOW? My personality does not allow for rolling with the punches and one day at a time. I get frustrated if my day’s plan do not work out as it should have.
When one of the institutions we work with, have an issue on their website, not working, hanging and you struggle for hours to get a simple task done, then I get frustrated. It messes with my plans. Because that unplanned time spent on something out of my control, has to be caught up somewhere by ME. And the only place where I can catch up is to reduce sleep time. Less sleep. Because everything has DEAD LINES. So to let something stand over to the next day does not really help much, because then I am behind with tomorrow’s planning already….
The waves of questions and plans of what, where and how roll through my mind. HOW am I going to do it? WHERE am I going to get the time? WHAT am I going to do if my planning does not work out? SHOULD I still plan? Because if I plan it does not work out, if I don’t plan it does not work out. Do you know how frustrating that is for a Boxwood tree personality? Everything must be on their place ALWAYS.
This morning when I got up, I was humming a song I heard on Spotify once….I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength….Mmmmm….this makes me think. One of my favorite verses. I can do anything through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13. I CAN do this. God is going to help me! It is not necessary to hyperventilate or to panic & run like Sponge Bob and Patrick.
We do not HAVE to try to do everything ALONE. We must just ask God to help us, hold us in His hand, giving us the necessary strength and energy….Hands of mercy won’t you cover me? I feel the song’s words washing over my mind like a Tsunami, removing the smaller waves of doubt and questions. Suddenly it is wiped out with God’s peace. I can do everything through Him that gives me strength. Not on my own, ever.
Oh my WORD!! Dat ek nou vir jou vertel, ons ly nog almal aan bomskok na die eerste week terug in roetine en bo op dit nog by ‘n nuwe skool met nuwe tye en heeltemal alles nuut in terme van roetine.
Jy noem dit, dis nuut vir ons….boeke moet oorgetrek word letterlik tussen 3 en 4 in die oggend (ok dalk eerder tussen 4 en 5 die oggend) want daar is niks ander tyd nie. Ek voel soos ‘n slaap wandelaar. Ek word MOMSTER.
My man vra my wat is fout, ek het seker weer my gesig getrek op ‘n manier toe ek na hom kyk. Daai uitdrukking van Watse dom vraag is dit nou ou? Ek is al van 4 uur in die oggend op! Ek dink nie ek het hom geantwoord, behalwe dat ek MOEG is nie. Maar ons het dit oorleef.
Hoe weet ek nie, maar ons het. Ons was nie laat vir skool nie, het als gedoen gekry wat die skool gevra het en ek kon darem my oefening ingepas kry Woensdagmiddag. Jy wonder seker hoekom dit so erg op ons sisteem is, die terug in roetine kom? Voorheen kon ons die kindertjies so bietjie later aflaai in die oggende, maar nou moet ons hulle ‘n half uur vroeër aflaai, wat beteken alles in ons huis moet met ‘n halfuur of meer aanskuif…..dis nogals baie en groot….en waar ons bly beteken dit noodwendig dat ons meer en verder ry as mense in die dorp…
Met ‘n onsekerheid in my wonder ek HOE ek weer alles die jaar en veral die maand tot einde Februarie gedoen gaan kry? Daar is altyd te min tyd en te veel werk en nou voel dit vir my nog meer so. Bo op dit is daar skool goed wat mens moet doen en bywoon, dit inpas tussen alles deur…..
Ek hiperventeleer wanneer niemand kyk nie, want ek moet my pose hou. Ek wil steeds soos die gif van Sponge Bob en Patrick panic & run en saam met dit skree soos ‘n mal mens. Hoe doen mense dit?? Hoe kry ander ma’s alles gedoen??
Hoe kry mense wat van 8 tot 5 voltyds werk, sonder huishulpe dit gedoen? Hoe behou jy jou sanity EN kry tyd vir jouself EN al die ander admin in en om die huis gedoen. Slaap hulle minder? Wonder ek by myself. Dit voel of daar altyd goed is wat uitgesorteer moet word, wanneer moet mens dit doen?
Dalk is hul spoed net vinniger as myne? Miskien is ek ‘n sloth en so staaaaadig? Dis hoe ek voel. Is dit omdat ek ouer word? Of is dit die nagevolge van die Pandemie? So spoel al die vrae deur my gedagtes, dit kom in golwe en trek terug en bedaar en dan kom die volgende golf se vrae.
Gisteroggend het ek en my man ‘n gesprek. Hy reken ons moet roll with the punches en elke dag op ‘n slag vat. Ek stress myself onnodig uit volgens hom. Ek kyk hom so, weer met ‘n kyk en dink by myself HOE? My persoonlikheid laat nie toe vir roll with the punches en elke dag op sy eie nie. Ek raak gefrustreerd as my dag se beplanning nie uitwerk soos dit moet nie.
As een of ander instansie met wie ons werk se sisteme hang en nie werk nie en jy vir ure sukkel om ‘n eenvoudige iets gedoen te kry raak ek frustreerd. Dit meng in met my beplanning. Want daardie onbeplande tyd wat ek aan so iets spandeer het, moet EK nou weer iewers inhaal. En al waar ek dit kan doen is met slaap. Minder slaap. Want als het mos SPERDATUMS. So om oor te staan tot môre help nie veel nie want dan is ek al klaar weer met môre se beplanning agter….
So rol al die golwe van vrae en planne van hoe, wat en waar deur my gedagtes. HOE gaan ek dit doen? WAAR gaan ek die tyd kry? WAT gaan ek doen as my beplanning nie uitwerk nie? MOET ek nog beplan? Want as ek beplan dan werk dit nie, as ek nie beplan nie, dan werk dit nie. Weet julle hoe frustrerend is dit vir ‘n SIERBOOM persoonlikheid? Alles moet op hul plek wees, ALTYD.
Vanoggend toe ek opstaan, neurie ek ‘n liedjie wat ek op Spotify al een keer gehoor het…..I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength…..Mmmm…..laat my dink. Een van my gunsteling verse – Ek is tot alles in staat deur Christus wat my krag gee. Fillipense 4:13. EK KAN dit doen. Die Here gaan my help. Dis nie nodig om te hiperventileer of te panic & run soos Sponge Bob en Patrick nie.
Ons HOEF nie alles ALLEEN te probeer doen nie. Ons moet net die Here vra om ons te help, vas te hou in Sy hand, die nodige krag en energie te gee….Hands of mercy won’t you cover me? spoel die liedjie se woorde soos ‘n groot Tsunami oor die ander klein golfies van twyfel en vrae. Skielik word dit uitgewis met God se kalmte en vrede. Ek kan alles doen deur Hom wat my krag gee. Nie op my eie nie, nooit nie.
Since I became a mother, my needs and priorities changed drastically. Only a new mom with a full time career and job will know what I am talking about (not that I am saying that those whom have the absolute privilege of raising their kids full time have no idea but you will understand as you read more). Those motherly instincts that kick in the moment when you hear your first born’s cry for the first time.
For so many years I questioned WHY I am a career woman. I thought that woman in the Bible did not have heavy jobs so to speak…..or so I thought….until one evening in 2021 – while reading to our children from the Bible.
We discovered Deborah….I noted immediately that she had a very important job. She was a prophet AND a judge. Wow, that is a BIG responsibility. She had to judge the people, the Israelites. Even in Biblical terms I see this as heavy in my opinion. Being a prophet is also a huge responsibility. And she was both!
I am unable to determine from the rest of the Bible whether she had to study further to become a judge. We will probably never know either. I actually have no clue HOW people do their research about people in the Bible. Where do you start your search? How do you know what is the truth?
So I will be leaving all the technical questions about why and how surrounding Deborah and I am just going to focus on what I see in the Bible about her, and what I feel God is lying on my heart to write about her. The scripture that is on the January 2022 deskpad calendar can be found in Judges 4:4-5 – this is where I read about Deborah the first time.
If you are reading this and noted the flamingo’s on the deskpad calendar in the photo included in this article and STILL don’t know WHY flamingo’s, then I invite you to read the Pink Feathers category on my blog. That will explain it and give you insight. OK, back to the scripture for January 2022.
Now you are probably wondering WHY I chose that scripture and what is the theme for the rest of the year? Let me answer the first question….Deborah had a career, a qualification of some sort. I could identify and relate with her in a way – I stand in a career with a whole bunch of qualifications and degrees (yes it is terrible to think of it like this and to mention it like this, but, the reality is, when you are a CA and an RA, then you have to obtain about two degrees, together with a whole bunch of other things, just for those who do not know how that process works).
I know other careers also have their requirements of studying for years, doing practical training, etc. So we are not alone! Everyone had to do their bit to be able to practice their career. I kid you not – it is HARD work. And that is where the inner conflict starts between your career and being a mother. Both require so much hard work and I often feel I have to choose between being a mother and my career…..having to give up one. Giving up being a mother is out of the question….but do I want to give up all those blood, sweat and tears that I had to go through to obtain my qualification?
That being said, the other question between the questions is, why this scripture for January? Well, we are all still in a bit of a holiday mode after completing the first week of January. Some of us are preparing ourselves mentally to start work on the 10th of January 2022. Others have already started this past week. But we all stand in a career and have to get our acts together to be able to function like before the holiday started. Let’s face it, being out of routine does not work for us. Even our dog Fudge is out of routine!
So the long and short is, I chose to start this year with something career-like, just so that we can all identify with the scripture and just to be able to get ourselves ready for the year ahead. I hope it makes sense what I am trying to say here?
The theme for the year is Pink Feathers and this is the Pink Feathers range that I recon is going to become a part of the Beroepsvrou blog and everything that goes with it. I did not choose Career woman as a theme, but rather scripture that I thought could be linked to showing Pink Feathers for God.
As mentioned before, we are all in different careers. Not everyone reading this are CA’s and RA’s. And sometimes it is pretty tough, especially as a woman, to keep on keeping on, so that the world can see that we are flaming hot for Jesus and that our feathers are really in actual fact vibrant pink for Him.
As I said before, for a long time I thought that Biblical women did not have official careers. To be continued….
Sedert ek kinders gehad het, het my behoeftes en prioriteite drasties verander. Net ‘n nuwe ma met ‘n voltydse werk en beroep kan weet waarvan ek nou praat (nie dat ek sê dat iemand wat die absolute voorreg het om hul kinders voltyds groot te maak het geen idee nie – maar jy sal beter verstaan soos wat jy lees). Daai moederlike instinkte wat oombliklik inskop wanneer jy die baba die eerste keer hoor huil.
Vir soveel jare het ek hierdie redenasie gehad oor HOEKOM ek ‘n Beroepsvrou is. Geredeneer dat die vrouens van die Bybel nie heavy jobs gehad nie…..of so het ek gedink….tot een aand in 2021 terwyl ons lees uit die Bybel uit vir ons kinders.
So lees ons vir Debóra raak….ek merk toe dadelik op dat sy ‘n groot en verantwoordelike rol vertolk het. Sy was ‘n profeet EN ‘n regter. Sy moes oordeel fel oor die volk. Jitte, dis ‘n GROOT verantwoordelikheid. Selfs in die Bybel se tye was dit heavy in my opinie. Om ‘n profeet te wees is ook ‘n groot verantwoordelikheid! En sy moes beide doen!
Ek kan nou nie bepaal of opmerk uit die res van die Bybel uit of sy moes studeer om die rol te vertolk nie en ons sal seker nie weet nie. Ek weet eintlik glad nie HOE mense navorsing doen oor mense in die Bybel nie. Waar begin mens lees en soek? Hoe weet jy wat is die waarheid?
So ek gaan maar al die tegniese vrae oor hoekom en waarom van Debóra daar laat en maar net kyk na wat die Bybel vir ons vertel en wat ek ervaar en voel die Here vir my vertel hieroor. Die skrifvers wat ek op die Januarie 2022 deskpad kalender gesit het is Rigters 4:4-5 – dis waar ek die eerste keer van Debóra gelees het.
As jy hierdie lees, die flaminke opgemerk het op die deskpad kalender foto by hierdie artikel en STEEDS nie weet HOEKOM flaminke nie, nooi ek jou uit om die Pienk Vere kategorie te gaan lees op my blog. Dit sal vir jou meer sin maak en meer insig gee. Goed, terug by die skrifvers vir die maand van Januarie 2022.
Nou wonder jy seker HOEKOM ek hom gekies het en wat is die tema vir die res van die jaar? Kom ek antwoord die eerste vraag….Debóra het ‘n beroep gehad, ‘n kwalifikasie van ‘n aard. Ek kon met haar vereenselwig en identifiseer in ‘n mate – ek staan in ‘n beroep en het ‘n hele rits kwalifikasies en grade (ja dis verskriklik om dit nou so te noem – maar as jy ‘n CA en RA is, dan gebeur daar eers so twee grade voor dit, saam met ‘n hele rits ander goed, net vir die wat nie weet nie).
Ek weet ander beroepe het ook hul vereistes om vir jare te studeer en praktiese opleiding te doen, en so meer. So ons is nie alleen nie! Elkeen moes hul deel doen om te wees waar hul is vandag en om hul beroep te kan beoefen. Laat ek nou vir jou vertel – dis geen grappies nie en HARDE werk!!! En dis waar die innerlike konflik begin tussen jou beroep en om ‘n ma te wees – ek voel ek moet een kies…..en een op gee. Om op te gee as ‘n ma is heeltemal buite die kwessie….maar wil ek my beroep opgee? Die een wat bloed, sweet en trane gekos het om te bekom?
Dit daar gelaat, die ander vraag tussen die vrae, hoekom juis die skrif vir Januarie? Wel, ons almal is die tyd van Januarie nog so bietjie in ‘n vakansie luim. Sommige van ons berei onsself mentally voor om die 10de Januarie 2022 weer te begin werk. Ander het reeds al die afgelope week begin werk. Maar ons almal staan in ‘n beroep en ons moet onsself weer reg ruk en voorberei om te KAN funksioneer soos voor die vakansie. Erken dit nou maar – om buite roetine te wees is nie lekker nie! Selfs ons huishond Fudge is buite roetine!
So die lang en die kort is, ek het gekies om die jaar af te skop met ‘n Beroeperige iets, net sodat ons almal kan identifiseer met die skrif en maar net weer onsself reg kry vir die jaar wat voorlê. Ek hoop dit maak nou sin wat ek probeer sê hier?
Die tema vir die jaar is Pienk Vere en die is die Pienk Vere reeks wat ek reken deel gaan word van Beroepsvrou se blog en alles wat daarmee saam gaan. Ek het nie Beroepsvrouens gekies as tema nie, maar eerder skrif wat ek dink gekoppel kan word om Pienk Vere vir die Here te wys.
Ons staan in verskeie beroepe, nie net CA’s en RA’s nie. En soms is dit bitter moeilik, veral as vrouens, om aan te hou dat die wêreld kan sien ons is witwarm vir Jesus en dat ons vere wel mooi pienk is vir Hom.
Soos ek vroeër gemeld het, het ek vir lank gedink die vrouens van die Bybel het nie amptelike beroepe gehad nie.Word vervolg…..
Before I even proceed, I am doubting my title. What do you call the day before New year? New Years’ Eve’s day? That just sounds a bit weird and wrong. In Afrikaans we call it Oujaarsdag. Anyway, back to my story. So you guessed it. Like a peanut, I was sitting, doing training the day before new year. Why? you might ask. Well, my career and qualification requires me to do a certain amount of hours for certain things every year. Normally I get everything done throughout the year and I manage to get it done By the hair on my chinney chin-chin so that I do not have to do anything in December about training.
But, the past two years, 2020 and 2021 were DIFFERENT. I did not have enough hours in a day to do everything and every December, it was me staring at my CPD hours. Almost like an old Western movie where the two cowboys have to draw their guns and shoot at each other to survive.
You see, in 2020, the whole world had to homeschool their kids for a certain period of time due to Hard Lockdown. I really do not have to elaborate more about how much washing and dishes we had to do, not even talking about how much we ate and how little work and schoolwork we got done. Everyone was in the same boat and everyone can relate.
OK back to my training. So here I am, sitting on the last day of 2021 with 5 hours of tax training left to do. It does not sound like a lot. But if your whole family is outside in the swimming pool busy having the time of their lives (so it feels) and wanting something to eat every five minutes is seems, because everyone is H-U-N-G-R-Y, then the 5 hours feel like 5 days. Not even to mention the house that cannot seem to keep itself clean!
Systematically I work trough the requirements in my mind. IRBA wants ethics training – I can check that off the list. My Tall Trees training from ProBeta helped to sort out that requirement. I check and double check the list (almost like Santa Clause making his list and checking it twice), the whole time I end up back with the tax hours that I need. I do not have sufficient hours for that. I can almost hear the buzzer going off in my mind, you know, like in the game shows when someone gives the wrong answer and is buzzed out.
For a moment I want to get up and run around like the Sponge Bob & Patrickgiff that one finds on Whatsapp, Panic & run and screaming because I am now almost out of time. I wonder if I will hear the buzzer or not…..if I do not have my certificates dated 2021, then it is over. 1 January 2022 does not help me ANYTHING. Then I calm down and pray for help. Then God reminds me of one of ProBeta’s new platforms that they released a year or two ago.
Akhanani (I ALWAYS have to double check this name, because I just cannot remember it and get it right on my own….) is the name of the platform where you can purchase training like you would purchase goods from Take-a-lot. You choose what you want and then you go to the check out, make payment and you are on your way! Your training is there, your assessment that you have to complete to ensure that you did in fact listen (and the golden ticket – the training certificate as proof of your training) are all included in the price. Before checking out and making payment, I remember about two vouchers that I had affording me 50% discount. I sigh a sigh of relief when I see they are still active and working, reducing the costs to an even cheaper price that what I was supposed to pay.
Now I start to work through the training. It is torture but I push through and bear forward. I do the assessment and thankfully I pass it! You must now remember, I am doing this in between marking and labelling school stationery. I am multi tasking like never before. The next two sessions are half an hour sessions and I decide to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen while I listen to Wessel Smit’s voice.
I feel like a champion after obtaining the last certificate, around 5 pm on the last day of 2021. The kids look like they do not have too many emotional scars from me having to do training in between holiday time and marking the stationery. But suddenly I am exhausted and now it feels to me that this was ALL that I had done this past holiday (another lie I know).
A few days after this training, the 3rd of January to be exact, I have a conversation with someone. I explain about this training that I had to do and how hard it was for me, but I managed to get it all done. I close off with “Do you know what? Today, as I sit here, I have to do EVERYTHING all over again. That training that I did a few days ago, helps me NOTHING for 2022!”
It is terrible to think of it like this, starting all over, is it not? The lesson that I have learnt from this whole thing, is to stop Procrastinating about things that are less fun to do (like training – let us admit it, doing training does not get everyone out of bed jumping for joy). Do not leave everything until the last minute. I need to get my act together and start doing things the way I did it before this whole Pandemic started. The Boxwood in me wants to plan and not be caught like this, having to do things on number 99.
The Palm tree in me, on the other hand, is the one that Procrastinates and postpones. The motto is after all, Tomorrow is another day is it not? You see, for 2 years, since the start of the Pandemic, she was placed in a dark box, not allowed to breathe or have a say in anything. But, she managed to work her way into my life and planning somehow….while I am sitting and typing this, I am very grateful and thankful that I managed to meet the deadline and that I did what I had to do by 31 December 2021.
I am also very grateful for my training that teaches me more about myself, how I react in certain situations when life gets too heavy and hard. Also just being able to understand everything and everyone a little bit better. Of course it is easier said than done to do a little bit everyday (like my school teacher tried to teach us – Elke dag se bietjie, elke liewe dag). One nice thing is that everything is available for me to do in my own time (that of course, does not work for the Palm tree in me, by the way).
I just know, with the Tall Trees Continuous Ethics training that I have access to, as well as Akhanani (that is very cheap and easy to use by the way) I will get my training hours sorted in no time in the new year! I must just DO IT! I just know, deep down inside of me, this is the year that things are going to normalise for us, systematically and gradually. December 2022 I am certainly NOT going to sit catching up on training again! The balance between the Boxwood and Palm tree within me will surely be achieved…….
Ja, jy het reg geraai – die titel van die stuk gee dit weg. Ek het soos ‘n neut gesit en opleiding doen so op die ou jaar. Hoekom? Vra jy dalk. Wel, my beroep vereis ‘n sekere hoeveelheid ure se opleiding van my vir verskeie goed. Normaalweg kry ek alles gedoen gedurende die jaar en skraap hom so By the hair on my chinney chin-chin deur dat ek niks in Desember hoef te doen nie.
Maar die afgelope twee jaar, 2020 en 2021 was ANDERS. Ek het net nie genoeg ure in ‘n dag gehad om alles te doen nie en elke jaar Desember is dit ek en my CPD ure wat vir mekaar staar. Amper soos ‘n Western movie waar die twee Cowboys hul gewere moet trek en skiet ter wille van oorlewing.
Jy sien in 2020 het die hele wêreld hul kinders tuisonderrig gegee vir ‘n bepaalde tydperk a.g.v. grendeltyd (ek sal hier maar die mooi woord gebruik alhoewel Hard Lockdown net meer kras en erg klink soos ek dit ervaar het). En ek hoef regtig nie meer uit te brei oor hoe baie ons wasgoed gedoen het, skottelgoed, eet, alles behalwe werk en skoolwerk. Almal was in daardie bootjie en almal kan relate.
OK terug by my opleiding. So hier sit ek, op die oujaar met net nog 5 ure vir belasting om te gaan. Dit klink nie soos baie nie. Maar as jou hele gesin buite in die swembad baljaar en almal kort-kort iets te ete soek en H-O-N-G-E-R is, voel die 5 ure soos 5 dae. Nie eens te praat van die huis wat homself net nie kan skoon hou nie!
Ek werk in my kop stelselmatig deur al die vereistes – IRBA soek ethics training – check merk ek hom af in my kop. Die Tall Trees opleiding van ProBeta het gehelp om daardie een uit te sorteer. So hardloop ek deur die lysie en haak heeltyd vas by belasting. Nie genoeg ure opleiding vir dit nie. Ek hoor amper die buzzer in my kop afgaan, jy weet soos daardie wat op die game shows is as iemand iets verkeerd doen en uit-ge-buzz word.
Vir ‘n vlietende oomblik wil ek soos Sponge Bob & Patrick se giff wat mens op Whatsapp kry, Panic & run en rondhardloop en skree omdat ek nou ampertjies uit tyd begin hardloop en wonder of ek die buzzer gaan mis…..as ek nie my sertifikate het gedateer 2021 nie, is dit neusie verby vir my. 1 Januarie 2022 help NIKS. Ek raak toe kalm, bid en vra vir hulp en die Here herinner my aan een van ProBeta se nuwer platforms wat hulle so jaar of twee terug bekendgestel het.
Akhanani (ek moet ALTYD die naam gaan double check want ek kry dit net nie reg nie….) is die naam van die platform waar jy opleiding kan koop soos wat jy goed by Take-a-lot koop. Jy kies wat jy wil hê en dan gaan jy na check out toe, betaal en daar gaat jy! Jou opleiding is daar, jou assessment om seker te maak jy het wel geluister (en die goue item – die sertifikaat as bewys van opleiding) is alles ingesluit in die prys. Skielik onthou ek van twee vouchers wat ek gehad het, wat my 50% afslag gee, sug van verligting toe hulle wel nog werk en ek nog goedkoper betaal as wat dit reeds gemerk is.
So swoeg ek deur die eerste uur se opleiding. Dis torture maar ek druk deur. Doen die assessment en genadiglik slaag ek hom. Onthou nou, tussen dit alles deur moet ons nog skool skryfbehoeftes OOK merk so ek multi task dat die biesies bewe! Die volgende twee sessies is half uur sessies en ek besluit om skottelgoed te gaan was terwyl ek luister na Wessel Smit se stem.
Ek voel omtrent soos ‘n champion toe ek 5 uur die middag, op oujaarsdag my laaste sertifikaat kry. Die kinders lyk darem of hulle nie te veel emosionele skade het van my wat die take moes afhandel tussen vakansie tyd en skryfbehoeftes merk deur nie. Maar ek is moeg en skielik voel dit of dit AL is wat ek die HELE vakansie gedoen het (‘n leuen ek weet).
So paar dae na die opleiding, die 3de Januarie om presies te wees, gesels ek met iemand. Ek beduie hoe swaar die opleiding was maar ek het dit gedoen en klaar gekry. Ek sluit af deur te sê- “Weet jy wat?Vandag soos ek hier sit, moet ALLES weer van voor af begin. Daai opleiding wat ek net ‘n paar dae terug gedoen het, help my NIKS vir 2022 nie!”
Dis darem maar verskriklik om so daaraan te dink, is dit nie? Die les wat ek wel hieruit geleer het is om nie te Prokrastineer nie en ook nie om alles tot op die laaste te los nie. Kom ons almal erken dit nou maar, NIEMAND hou van opleiding nie en dis nou nie iets wat iemand laat juig en jubel van vreugde nie! Ek moet vir seker myself reg ruk en weer dinge doen soos ek dit gedoen het voor die Pandemie begin het. Die Sierboom in my wil beplan en nie so gevang word met nippertjie goed doen en afhandel nie.
Die Palmboom in my, aan die ander kant, is die een wat so kan Prokrastineer en uitstel – die motto is mos Môre is Nog ‘n Dag is dit nie? Jy sien, sy was vir 2 jaar so bietjie onderdruk deur die Pandemie, maar het tog haarself ingewurm in my opleiding se beplanning in…..soos wat ek hier sit en tik, is ek wel tog dankbaar dat ek gedoen het wat ek moes teen die sperdatum.
Dankbaar vir opleiding wat my meer en beter laat leer van myself, hoe ek in situasies optree as dinge te veel raak en net oor die algemeen alles en almal om my beter begin verstaan. Dis vir seker makliker gesê as gedaan om elke dag se bietjie elke liewe dag te doen soos my skool juffrou ons altyd gepols het. Maar alles is tot my beskikking om te doen in my eie tyd (wat nou glad nie vir die Palmboom in my werk nie bygesê, tong in die kies).
Ek weet, met die Tall Trees Continuous Ethics opleiding tot my beskikking en Akhanani wat baie goedkoop is en maklik om te gebruik, sal ek vir seker die jaar se opleidingsure sommer vinnig baas raak en kaf draf. Ek moet dit net DOEN! Ek weet sommer die jaar is die jaar wat dinge weer gaan terug keer na normaal, so stelselmatig. Desember 2022 gaan ek vir seker nie weer sit en opleiding inhaal nie….die balans tussen my Palmboom en Sierboom gaan vir seker in lyn kom….
“Up the T-U-B-E!!!!” comes the voice over our soundbar in our lounge. We are all watching TV to pass the time and reach midnight. My tribe and I. We are watching Henry Danger with the kids. We have already watched a movie earlier the evening.
Normally we sleep through the countdown and celebrations. But my son Franco started with this stay-awake-until-midnight thing a few years back…..neither my husband nor myself have the energy, but we do it for the kids. You know, the memories that we are busy making.
We do channel hopping searching for a countdown timer. We find one on one of the news channels, just in time. About 2 minutes before midnight. We watch in silence as the numbers count down and reduce. At 10 we all start counting with the timer 10-9-8-7….. and we count down and end with Happy New Year!
The moment that I utter those words, this emotional thing builds up inside me and a tear or two comes through that I cannot swallow down. Another year. It feels as if the reset button has been pushed and everything starts all over again. The head start that I thought I had by sorting out the kids’ school clothes and stationery seems meaningless and silly in that moment.
I pull myself together and decide to stop the negativity. We start every year a bit blue. This year HAS to be different. I look over to my husband and see he could not keep the tears down. He is emotional after wishing the kids a happy new year. My daughter Sioné hangs around my neck, kissing me over and over, as if the last time she did this was in the previous year (in Afrikaans we always joke and say laas jaar laas on the first of January but it is not as catchy in English).
I wish Franco a Happy New year and then my husband Heinrich. Then Sioné picks Fudge up and we all wish the house dog (our third child) a Happy New Year. She looks at us and for a moment there she seems a bit grumpy. We are waking her up from her nap that she was having. Suddenly I remember that I wanted to make a screenshot of the time on my phone and between everything that is happening I manage to get this right – I do this to remember later and to post on social media.
I call out spontaneously “Let us take a first photo for 2022!” Everyone falls down on the couch, Fudge too, whether she wants to or not, she is now a part of this photo. We struggle to get the angle right so that we all do not appear fatter than what we already are after all the junk we have eaten this holiday.
Then I miss the button to take the picture and it takes longer than what a selfie is supposed to take. Eventually we get it right, take a few versions to make sure everyone’s eyes are open. Nobody looks fresh anymore, we are all tired, but we smile nicely for the camera.
Then we all rush to get into bed. We are exhausted. A lack of more phrases about how tired we are cannot describe the exhaustion we are feeling at this time (I have a few in Afrikaans and again they are not as catchy in English when you translate them). We worked on the day before New Year. I felt like a champion because eventually I finished my 5 hours tax training that I needed for 2021. And I did work and we marked and packed the school stationery.
That makes me feel as if I achieved this thing called balance right at the end of 2021. Sort of. I managed to keep my child happy (after we had to talk long and hard with her first about WHY Mommy cannot do everything NOW as she demands), I finished my training, did some work (not everything that I wanted but did the bare necessities), fed everyone, cleaned the house.
Now that we can sleep, I do not feel tired anymore. As I lie in bed typing, I hear the rain falling down again (after a nice shower earlier this evening and late afternoon). Sometimes the rain comes down hard and then it changes to a softer rainfall. It is as if the rain drops are having a race to see which one will reach the ground first. At times the downpour sounds like a tap or hosepipe is opened over our roof.
When I listen to the rain outside, I wonder what 2022 has in store for us. I just know it will be a year of super natural abundance on all levels. It is as if God is blessing the new year with His rain.
And rather than taking a last photo of 2021, as my Facebook memories report I do every year, we take a first photo of 2022. Tired eyes and all. 2022 we are ready! With God on our side, it can only be good.
Later this morning I decide to finish my entry after going to sleep (I lost the battle to sleep and was tired after all), I go to my Bible App on my phone as I do every morning first thing.
The scripture for today? Isaiah 43:18-19 “Do not remember the former things, Or ponder the things of the past. Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
It is as if God is just confirming to me, with this scripture, that the first photo of 2022 that we took shortly after midnight, was the right thing to do.
“Up the T-U-B-E!!!!” hoor ek oor die soundbar in ons sitkamer. Ons almal sit en kyk TV om die tyd tot middernag om te kry. Ek en my tribe. Ons kyk Henry Danger saam met die kinders. ‘n Fliekie was reeds deurgewerk.
Gewoonlik slaap ons die Nuwe Jaar in. Maar my seun Franco het so paar jaar terug begin met die wakker-bly-tot-12-uur ding…..nie ek en my man het die energie nie, maar ons doen dit ter wille van die kinders. Jy weet, die memories wat besig is om gemaak te word.
Ons doen channel hopping opsoek na ‘n countdown timer. Ons kom op een van die nuuskanale af, net betyds. So 2 min voor middernag. Ons al 4 kyk in stilte hoe die syfertjies verminder. Toe dit by 10 kom begin ons almal tel 10-9-8-7….. en ons tel af en eindig met Happy New Year!
Die oomblik toe ek daardie woorde uiter skiet my gemoed vol en kom daar ‘n traan of twee deur wat ek nie kon afsluk nie. Nog ‘n jaar. Dit voel of alles van voor af begin. Die voorsprong wat ek gedink het ek gekry het deur die kinders se skoolklere en skryfbehoeftes uit te sorteer voel nou amper belaglik op hierdie oomblik.
Ek ruk myself reg en besluit Basta met die negatiwiteit. Ons skop elke jaar met ‘n blou gemoed af. Die jaar MOET net anders wees. Ek kyk na my man en sien hy kon nie sy trane keer nie. Hy is emosioneel toe hy ons kinders voorspoed toewens. My dogtertjie Sioné hang om my nek en soen my oor en oor asof sy my laas jaar laas gesien het (ek moes net die flou grappie wat mens ALTYD op die eerste Januarie maak gebruik).
Ek wens Franco voorspoed toe, dan my man Heinrich. Dan tel Sioné vir Fudge op en ons almal wens die huishond, (ons derde kind) voorspoed toe. Sy kyk vir ons en vir ‘n oomblik lyk sy dikbek vir my. Ons steur nou haar slaap. Ek onthou skielik ek wil ‘n skermgreep of screenshot maak van die tyd op my foon en tussen als deur kry ek dit reg – vir later se onthou en sosiale media posts.
Spontaan roep ek uit “Kom ons neem ‘n eerste foto vir 2022!” Almal val op die bank neer, Fudge word ook ingesluit, of sy nou wil of nie, sy is nou deel van die foto. Ons sukkel om die angle reg te kry net sodat almal nie soos dikkes lyk nie (al voel ons so na al die snert wat ons al die vakansie geëet het).
Dan druk ek die knoppie mis en dit neem langer as wat ons sou wou om die selfie te neem. Maar hy word geneem. Niemand lyk meer vars nie, almal is moeg, maar ons smile mooi vir die kamera.
Dan skarrel ons om almal in die bed te kom. Ons is flou. Op soos ou brood en koekies in die weeshuis (spreekwoordelik gesê natuurlik en nie met disrespek nie). Ons het gewerk so op die ou jaar. Ek het soos ‘n champion gevoel want uiteindelik het ek my 5 ure se belasting opleiding gedoen gekry. En werk, en skoolgoed merk en pak.
So dit voel vir my ek het hom soortvan reg gekry op die ou jaar – die balans ding. My kind gelukkig gehou (na ons eers moes raas en verduidelik hoekom Mamma nie alles NOU kan doen soos sy demand nie), opleiding klaar gemaak, werk gedoen (nie als wat ek wou nie maar dit wat broodnodig was om te doen), almal gevoer, huis skoon gemaak.
Nou dat ons kan slaap, het dit vir my gevoel ek is nie moeg nie. Soos wat ek vroegoggend, na middernag in die bed lê en tik val die reën weer neer (na dit vroeër vanaand en vanmiddag laat heerlik gereën het). Soms kom die druppels met mening af en dan verander dit na bietjie sagter en dan weer harder. So asof hulle resies hou en as almal gelyk afkom klink dit of iemand ‘n kraan oopdraai oor ons dak.
Wanneer ek so luister na die reën wonder ek wat 2022 vir ons inhou. Weet ek dat dit ‘n bonatuurlike geseënde jaar sal wees op alle vlakke. Dis asof die Here die nuwe jaar kom seën met Sy reën.
En eerder as om ‘n laaste foto van 2021 te neem, soos my Facebook memories getuig ek elke jaar doen, het ons ‘n eerste foto van 2022 geneem. Moeg ogies en al. 2022 ons is reg! Met God aan ons kant, kan dit net goed gaan.
Toe ek later vanoggend besluit om my inskrywing klaar te maak, na ek gaan slaap het (die moegheid het my oorval terwyl ek geskryf het en ek het maar ingegee op Klaas Vakie se demands), gaan ek oudergewoonte, eerste ding in die oggen, in my Bybel Toep (ag nee app klink beter hier) in.
Die skrif vers vir vandag? Jesaja 43:18-19 Dink nie aan die vorige dinge nie, en slaan geen ag op wat vroeër gebeur het nie. Kyk, Ek gaan iets nuuts maak; nou sal dit uitspruit; sal julle dit nie merk nie? Ja, Ek maak ‘n pad in die woestyn, riviere in die wildernis.
Dis asof die Here vir my bevestig dat die eerste foto van 2022 wat ons net na middernag geneem het die regte ding was om te doen met hierdie skrif vers.
As the heading of this entry confirms, that is how it was to a certain extent for me and my family. As we say farewell to the last day of 2021 for ever, and welcome 2022, one cannot help but think back on the past year.
Yes I know, I sound like an old lady and an LP that is stuck (all at the same time) when I say “Thís year went by QUICKLY.” But, man-o-man, it did go by QUICKLY did it not?
It feels like yesterday that I worked my shoulder into spasm, preparing the kitchen cabinets for painting (that is still not finished by the way, because the absolute desire to paint and do some home reno has not yet overwhelmed me). But, that was last December……..December 2020….
I cannot say that I will be greeting 2021 “until we meet again”. No. It is So Long, Farewell. Cheers. Koebaai. Overs-ke-dovers. Over and out. I am sure you understand what I mean. 2021 is over FOREVER. What a scary thought. But it is what it is.
2021 the year we get things done as I had proclaimed it. Indeed it was like that and also not. New things that crossed my path, like this blog. The Beroepsvrou business that started out of nothing and unplanned.
Yes, the kitchen is still not finished, all the cupboards in my house are waiting anxiously for me to work through them and create order. So I can go on and on about everything that has not happened during 2021.
Why not? Because everything that did happen, took time! And the other time that I had available, I tried (I emphasize this for a reason as it feels to me that I fail at this often) to rest and spend time with my family.
Back to my other statement that I utter often – the one about HOW quickly time flies. I have been thinking about this for YEARS and I think I have it. When you are young, time goes by relatively slowly. You don’t have kids and have very little or no responsibilities.
But then, you have to wee-wee on a stick that produces two little lines and breaks the news. You hear the sound of an LP that is stopped abruptly and tires screeching as the car that you were in, going nowhere slowly, makes a U-turn at 180 miles per hour.
Then it is as if someone bashes on the watch hard and continuously that makes the time go by EVEN faster…..suddenly it is 13 years since you were pregnant with your eldest child and not only a few months. Suddenly you realise the milestones that your baby makes and reaches (even if it felt like forever to get them to the age of 4 or 5 where they function a bit more independently).
Suddenly things just happen and if you do not have your safety belt on, then this thing called time throws you out of the car in a similar way that a Crash Test Dummy without a safety belt on is thrown out a vehicle upon impact.
In the process one (hopefully) becomes wiser. Older and wiser. In Afrikaans we have a saying Wysheid met die grysheid which means that as you age and your hair turns grey, you gain more knowledge. Literally. My husband was very surprised and amazed at the same time the other day when he observed himself in the mirror. “Look how grey my hair has become!” he probably said more to himself than to me.
On the last day of the year I am trying to catch up on my tax training hours, marking school stationery for 2022 in between (because my daughter wants to do it NOW). It is hard, the motivation is pretty much zero. The holiday is shouting and screaming my name, so loudly that I struggle to focus to get this over and done with.
At least I managed to resolve some things for 2022 at the end of this year – the kids’ school things. Stationery and clothes. It already feels to me as if 2022 is trying to infiltrate 2021, pushing and bumping like a buffalo to get the old year out the way.
As I observe everything and try to process everything, I know that everything, even time, is in God’s hands. He wants the best for us. Plans of prosperity and not of hardship.
Here is to 2022! May the year ahead move at a glacial pace rather than the speed of light, giving us all time to gather ourselves after surviving the Pandemic. Just yesterday I was thinking – everyone that is still on earth can say that they have survived a world-wide Pandemic. Wow.
May 2022 be filled with prosperity and favour for everyone. May it be the year that the Pandemic stops just as suddenly as it started. May God hold us (and time) in His hand. May we just move closer and closer to Him daily and may our relationship with Him grow stronger.
So long and farewell 2021 and Hello 2022! I look forward to welcome you with open arms into my life…..
Nou ja, soos die opskrif lui en dit bevestig, was dit toe so gewees in ‘n mate vir my en ons gesin. Soos wat ons die laaste dag van 2021 vir ewig vaarwel roep en 2022 welkom heet, kan mens nie anders as om terug te dink aan die jaar wat verby is nie.
Ja ek weet, ek klink soos ‘n ou tannie en ‘n plaat wat vashaak op dieselfde tyd as ek sê “Díe jaar het VINNIG gevlieg.” Maar a-la-mapstieks, hy hét VINNIG gevlieg het hy nie?
Dit voel soos gister dat ek my skouer in ‘n spasma ingeskuur het aan ons kombuiskassies (wat nou nog nie klaar is nie want die oorweldigende lus vir verf en home reno het my nog nie weer oorval nie). Maar, dit was laas Desember……Desember 2020….
Ek kan nie sê ek gaan 2021 groet “tot wedersiens” nie. Nee. Dis vaarwel. Cheers. Koebaai. Overs-ke-dovers. Oor en uit. Ek is seker jy vang wat ek bedoel. 2021 is VIR EWIG VERBY. What a scary thought. Maar dit is wat dit is.
2021 the year we get things done soos ek dit proklameer het. Inderdaad was dit so en ook nie so nie. Nuwe goed het oor my pad gekom, soos hierdie webjoernaal (nee blog klink net beter hier). Die Beroepsvrou besigheid wat uit niks uit en onbeplan ontstaan het.
Ja, die kombuis is nou nog nie klaar geverf nie, al die kaste in die huis wag angstig vir my hande om deur hulle te krap en reg te pak en weg te gooi, en so kan ek aangaan van als wat nie gebeur het in 2021 nie.
Hoekom nie? Want alles wat wel gebeur het, het die tyd opgeneem! En die ander tyd wat ek gehad het, het ek probeer (ek lê klem op dit vir ‘n rede) rus en tyd met my gesin spandeer.
Terug by my ander sin wat ek gereeld uiter oor HOE vinnig die tyd gaan. Ek dink al hieraan vir JARE en ek dink ek het dit. Wanneer jy jonk is, gaan die tyd relatief tot matig stadig. Jy het nie kinders nie met min of geen verantwoordelikhede.
Maar dan pieps jy op die stokkie wat vir jou 2 strepies gee en die nuus breek. Skielik is dit amper asof ‘n plaat krap en bande skree soos wat jou kar waarin jy rustig oppad was na nêrens ‘n U-draai (nee U-turn klink net beter) maak teen 180 myl per uur.
Dan is dit asof iemand die horlosie hard en aanhoudend klap en skud sodat die tyd net NOG vinniger gaan…skielik is dit 13 jaar sedert jy met jou oudste swanger was en nie net ‘n paar maande nie. Skielik kom jy agter hoe gou die baba mylpale behaal en verander (al voel dit vir ewig om hulle tot op so 4 of 5 te kry wat hulle bietjie meer onafhanklik funksioneer).
Skielik gebeur daar net goed en as jou gordel nie vas is nie, gooi tyd jou uit soos wat ‘n Crash Test Dummy sonder ‘n veiligheidsgordel aan, uit ‘n voertuig geslinger word op impak.
In die proses word mens (hopelik) slimmer. Ouer en wyser. Wysheid met die grysheid. Letterlik. My man kyk ander dag verbaas na homself in die spieël. “Kyk hoe grys het ek geword!” Sê hy seker meer vir homself as vir my. Dit gebeur toe nou met almal, nie net met ou mense nie. Want iemand moet weer ou mense word….en dis nou ons beurt….
So op die ou jaar probeer ek die laaste ure se belasting opleidingsure inhaal en gedoen kry EN 2022 se skryfbehoeftes merk want, my dogtertjie wil NOU haar tas pak. Dis moeilik, die motivering is min. Die vakansie skree en roep te hard vir my om doelgerig te sit en dit net oor en verby te kry.
Ek het darem so op die amper ou jaar die kinders se goed vir 2022 uitgesorteer. Dit voel al klaar of 2022 besig is om homself in te wurm in 2021 in en 2021 uit die pad te stamp soos ‘n buffel.
Soos wat ek net alles observeer en probeer verwerk, weet ek net dat alles, tyd ook, in God se hande is. Hy wil net die beste vir ons hê. Planne van voorspoed en nie teëspoed nie.
Hier is op 2022! Mag die jaar net so tritsel stadiger verby beweeg en ons tyd gee om tot verhaal te kom na die Pandemie. Ek staan net gister en dink – ons almal wat nou nog op aarde is, kan sê ons het ‘n wêreld-wye Pandemie oorleef. Wow.
Mag 2022 net goedheid en guns inhou vir almal. Mag dit die jaar wees wat die Pandemie net skielik stop. So skielik as wat hy begin het. Mag God ons (en tyd) styf vashou in Sy hand. Mag ons net nader aan Hom beweeg en ons verhouding met Hom versterk.
Vaarwel 2021 en Hallo 2022! Ek sien uit om jou met ope arms te ontvang en welkom te laat voel in my lewe……
Now that my brain has done its channel hopping between my childhood and the past two years, I decide to sit quietly and gather my thoughts…..I have been reflecting all the way. I truly hope that I am not going to end up in a dead end and also hope that I am not going nowhere slowly (or fast for that matter).
I wait patiently for God to put some sense into my mind while he is busy calming the spout of thoughts that have been racing around in my mind. Why does one feel like this? Why is it as if nostalgia is trying to make a little nest in your mind and heart? Grateful is the next word that is starting to take the lead in my mind, racing to make it to the end of my fingertips so that it can be used and typed. Just like that. Grateful? I am starting a conversation with myself and God again about this.
Jip, you got it girl! Grateful. Alrighty then. Grateful it shall be. I chew a little bit on this. It is not long before the light comes on. I got it! I get it! I feel this way about everything and this time of the year, because deep, deep down inside of me, I actually have this huge sense of being grateful for everything that was and is still to come.
Grateful that we have been spared for another year on earth. Grateful that God provided for us despite the Pandemic. Grateful that we have work, can generate income. Grateful that we are healthy.
Now it feels like all these thoughts are streaming in through my mind. It is as if they are all jumping up and down, putting their hands up, as if to say “Pick me! Pick me!!” How can one pick only a few when there is so much to be grateful for?
Grateful for good memories despite the hardship and tough times the entire world finds itself in. That is why it feels like nostalgia. It is actually nostalgia in a good way….thinking back on good times…..fun times…..
With a grateful heart I close this entry. I ask God to give me a song that will fit in with what I am feeling. I close my eyes for a moment. Then I remember a song from Matthew West. Brand New.
I can hear the song, the music notes and lyrics dance through my mind. I am sure I have already blogged about this. But that is the wonderful thing about God’s word and praise and worship music too.
It is as if it lives and each time you listen to it or read it, then there is this whole new meaning that you can identify deep within. He is making you new, He is breaking your chains, he is making you BRAND NEW! I hear the words rumble around in my mind……
As time goes on and things happen, it is God who is constantly renewing us, IF we let Him, I might add. Everything that happens with us, the good and the bad (as it feels for all of us some times) is busy making us better and stronger for the next set of memories that we are going to make…..our time on earth is short. I realise that more and more every day.
When you are 20, 40 feels so far away. But when you are 40 you KNOW 70 or 80 is so close. Have you done your part for God’s kingdom? Do you still have enough time on earth to do what God has placed you on earth to do? Are you busy doing what He called you to do? Or are you waiting for one day? Goodness me, it is as if there is a whole new bunch of thoughts starting to march through my mind….
I listen to the song again…..drinking in the words. I am watering my thoughts like the rain feeds and wets the earth….in the hope that Godly thoughts will grow and come to be and that one will not be caught up in the demands of this world…..He is making you BRAND NEW!!!!!
Nou dat my brein sy channel hopping gedoen het tussen my kinderjare en die afgelope twee jaar, raak ek en my gedagtes weer stil….Ek reflekteer nog al die pad. Ek hoop nie ek is in ‘n doodloopstraat nie en ook nie going nowhere slowly (or fast for that matter) nie.
Ek wag geduldig dat die Here net so bietjie sin in my kop kom sit terwyl hy die spout van gedagtes kom stilmaak het. Hoekom voel mens so? Hoekom is dit asof dit heimwee is wat probeer nesskrop?Dankbaarheid is die volgende woord wat vir my begin voorloop tussen al die woorde wat resies jaag tot my vingerpunte. Net so. Dankbaarheid? begin ek alweer met myself en die Here praat.
Jip, you got it girl! Dankbaarheid! Nou goed dan. Dankbaarheid sal dit wees. Ek kou so bietjie aan hom maar dis nie lank nie of ek het dit. Ek vang dit. Ek voel so oor alles en die tyd van die jaar want diep diep binne my het ek eintlik hierdie ongelooflike dankbaarheid van alles wat was en alles wat nog kom.
Dankbaar dat ons nog ‘n jaar gespaar is op aarde. Dankbaar dat die Here vir ons voorsien ten spyte van die Pandemie. Dankbaar dat ons werk het, inkomste het. Dankbaar dat ons gesond is.
So stroom die dankbaarheidslysie deur my gedagtes. Dis asof hulle almal opspring en hul hande opsteek om te sê “Pick me! Pick me!” Hoe kan mens net ‘n paar pick as daar so baie is om voor dankbaar te wees?
Dankbaar vir goeie memories ten spyte van die swaar en moeilike tyd waarin die hele wêreld hom bevind. Dis hoekom dit voel soos heimwee. Dis eintlik nostalgie op ‘n goeie manier….terug dink aan goeie tye. Lekker tye.
Met ‘n dankbare hart sluit ek af. Ek vra die Here om ‘n liedjie te gee wat hierby sal aansluit. Ek maak my oë vir ‘n oomblik toe. Dan kom Matthew West se Brand New by my op.
Ek hoor al die liedjie. Ek is seker het al hieroor geblog (of webjoernaal soos my skoonsussie my uit my misery gehaal het deur die Afrikaans vir blog te google). Maar nie te min, dis die wonderlike ding van God se woord en uiteindelik praise & worship musiek ook.
Dis lewend en elke keer wat jy dit lees of luister is daar net weer ‘n nuwe betekenis wat jy daaraan koppel…..He is making you new, He is breaking your chains, He is making you BRAND NEW! Hoor ek die woorde sing deur my kop….
Soos wat tyd aanstap en dinge gebeur, is die Here konstant besig om ons te vernuwe, as ons Hom toelaat, bygesê. Alles wat met ons gebeur, die goeie en die slegte (soos dit soms vir ons voel) is besig om ons beter mense te maak vir die volgende memories wat ons gaan maak…..ons tyd op aarde is so kort. Ek besef dit elke dag meer en meer.
As jy 20 is voel 40 so ver. As jy 40 is, weet jy 70 of 80 is bitter naby. Het jy jou deel gedoen vir God se koninkryk? Het jy nog genoeg tyd om te doen waarvoor die Here jou op aarde geplaas het? Is jy nou besig om te doen waarvoor jy geroep is? Of wag jy tot eendag? Liewe aarde, dis asof daar nou weer ‘n hele swetterjoel van gedagtes is wat nou weer deur my kop begin marsjeer…..
Ek luister die liedjie weer…..drink die woorde in. Laat dit oor my gedagtes spoel, soos wat die reën die aarde nat maak…..in die hoop dat daar Goddelike gedagtes sal voortspruit en dat mens nie in die wêreld en sy gebruike en demands vasgevang sal wees nie….He is making you BRAND NEW!!!!!
Today my mind wandered back to my childhood. How it felt when it was December…..as Christmas time approached. My mom usually worked, never had leave over a December month. Not that I can remember anyway but maybe I am just thinking of one December? Who knows….
I think it must have been hard for her. To get up in the mornings and go to work while the rest of us lied around at home. Due to a lack of being able to do anything else, I started to watch cricket. I taught myself how the rules worked and what everything meant. There are normally 5 day games on. That gave me lots of information as it was very boring and long (not the excitement of one day games or 20/20 cricket).
To this day, I still remember the King Pie advertisement. The one where the umpire stands with his finger up in the air, the signal showing a player is out. Then the words at the bottom of the screen would read One Hot Pie Please. My husband and I still laugh about this advertisement and sometimes joke about it when we feel like having a pie….
Then my mind wanders to Christmas eve. It was always at my mom’s parents in Benoni. She grew up English and they rather celebrated Christmas eve than Christmas Day. Come to think of it, maybe we did Christmas eve in that manner because we always used to visit my dad’s brother in Pretoria on Christmas Day, swimming and eating the whole day.
So we had best of both worlds so to speak. Both sides of the families were visited over the Festive season. Not the way we do it nowadays (sort of). This year it is her family, next year his family. We are not as strict with that, we spend most of the time with my in-laws in any event rather than my family, as my family (sisters and their families – not my parents and these days my father and his new wife) were always in different places over Christmas….normally camping at the coast….
We grew up with a Christmas tree. Not that many presents under the tree, but a little something. I always volunteered to put up the Christmas tree. When I was younger, I did not understand the concept of balance on the tree. It ALWAYS used to fall over when I was done, this was my BIGGEST frustration….
When we left to have dinner at my grandparents’ house, there were no presents under the tree. When we arrived home later that night, there were presents. Because I was the youngest, my mom used to pretend that Father Christmas existed for a long time. Today I know that NOTHING about how we celebrated Christmas, the tree or any other worldly celebrations are Biblical.
Back to the Christmas tree and presents. I could NEVER understand HOW Father Christmas got into our house. There is no chimney or fireplace for him to come in with. My mom always said that he used to make himself very small and entered the house through the key hole in the front door. That still boggled my mind, but I think I accepted that explanation.
Innovative and creative, the stories of my mom! When I was older, I used to ask her how she managed that? The presents under the tree. She then let me in on her secret. She always, just as we were about to leave, “remembered” about something she forgot. She would run back into the house, put the presents under the tree and take the forgotten item and put it in the car.
I wonder the whole time why my mind keeps on jumping around to different times in my life….
Vandag dwaal my gedagtes terug na my kinderjare. Hoe dit gevoel het as dit Desember was….as Kersfees nader staan. My ma het gewoonlik gewerk, nooit verlof gehad oor Desember nie. In elkgeval nie wat ek regtig kan onthou nie….miskien dink ek dalk nou net aan een Desember? Wie weet….
Ek dink dit was seker swaar vir haar. Om te werk terwyl ons almal by die huis rondgehang het. By gebrek aan enige iets anders om te doen, het ek begin krieket kyk. Myself geleer hoe werk krieket. Daar is mos gewoonlik 5-dag krieket aan. Dit het my baie inligting gegee want dis mos baie boring en lank (nie die opgewondenheid en aksie van een dag krieket of 20/20 krieket nie).
Ek onthou nog die King Pie advertensie. Die een waar die umpire met sy vinger in die lug staan wanneer ‘n speler uit geboul of uitgevang is. Dan lees die woorde onder One Hot Pie Please. Ek en my man lag nou nog oor dit en spot self soms so as ons lus is vir ‘n pastei…..
Dan dwaal die gedagtes na Ou Kersaand. Dit was altyd by my ma se ouers in Benoni. Hulle het Engels groot geword en eerder Ou Kersaand saam gekuier as Kersdag. Ons het dalk Ou Kersaand so gedoen omdat ons altyd gaan swem en kuier het by my pa se broer in Pretoria op Kersdag, nou dat ek daaraan dink.
So ons het elke jaar best of both worlds gehad. Beide families gesien oor Kerstyd. Nie soos ons dit nou soortvan doen nie. Die jaar is dit haar familie, volgende jaar sy familie. Ons is nie so streng met dit nie, spandeer in elkgeval meeste van die tyd met my skoonfamilie eerder as my familie, want my familie (sussies en hul gesinne – nie my ouers nie en deesdae my pa en sy nuwe vrou nie) spat altyd in rigtings see toe om te kamp oor Kersfees….
Ons het met ‘n Kersboom groot geword. Nie woes baie persente onder die boom nie, maar tog ‘n ietsie. Ek het altyd gevolunteer om die Kersboom op te stel. Toe ek kleiner was het ek nie die konsep verstaan van balans op die boom nie. Die boom het ALTYD vorentoe geval na ek klaar was tot my GROOTSTE frustrasie….
Wanneer ons gery het na my Ouma en Oupa toe, was die boom leeg onder. Geen persente. Wanneer ons terugkom laat die aand was daar persente. Omdat ek die jongste was het my ma vir lank gemaak of Kersvader bestaan. Vandag weet ek NIKS van die manier van hoe ons Kersfees gevier het, die boom, of die hele konsep is nie Bybels nie.
Terug by die Kersboom en persente. Ek kon NOOIT verstaan HOE Kersvader in ons huis kom nie. Daar is nie ‘n kaggel of skoorsteen nie. My ma het altyd vertel dat hy homself klein maak en deur die sleutelgat van die voordeur kom.
Innoverend en kreatief, die stories van my ma! Ek het later jare haar gevra hoe sy dit altyd gedoen het. Die persente onder die boom. Sy laat toe die geheim uit. Sy het altyd as ons almal in die kar reg was om te ry, gou “iets vergeet” en terug gehardloop in die huis in, die persente onder die boom gesit en die item wat vergete was kar toe gebring.
Ek wonder heeltyd hoekom my gedagtes my terug vat na verskeie tye toe in my lewe…..
It is as if the call from a certain bird, in Afrikaans we refer to it as thePiet-my-vrou, wants me to Reflect on what was and what happened. This past week I heard him almost the whole day. From early morning. I can hear him sitting in a tree close to our back door.
It is as if he is calling to only me. I hear him. Then my thoughts wander back to 11 April 2021. It feels like yesterday, yet it was 8 months ago already! I calculate on my fingers (yes fingers) how long ago it was. I could have calculated it by deducting 4 from 12 too. But I decided to do this calculation on a physical manner.
Yes I know. CA’s are NOT supposed to do calculations on their fingers. Yet, I still did it, because it works for me. Why I don’t know. Back to the Piet-my-vrou and 11 April 2021. That day we celebrated my birthday.
40 years old. I cannot say one or two hands full, because we only have 10 fingers….but it marked the day that I turned the BIG 40. The Piet-my-vrou also called from early in the morning on that day. It was as if he tried to leave a sound memory in my brain. Every time I hear that sound, I think back to that day.
My mom did not see me turn 40. It was very sad for me, but I know it is also ok. I will survive. Many people’s parents do not see them turn 5 or 10 or even 18 years old.
The previous year, when I turned 39, we were in Hard lockdown. That day I realised and knew why God sent me to earth in 1981 and not 1980 which I had wished for while still at school. Stupid wish that I had, I know…
When I look back on 2020 and 2021, it feels very intertwined and inseparable to me, as I had mentioned previously. It is hard to distinguish between this year and last year. Things that happened in 2020 feels like yesterday and things that happened in 2021 feels like ages ago. And vice versa. It is strange. Weird.
I talk a lot to God about this and WHY it feels like this for us as humans? One thing that I do know is that people are not that eager to hide behind their masks and walls since the start of the Pandemic.
For the first time people SHARE their emotions, how they feel, how they experience things. Previously we all just gave the standard Well thanks and you? answer if someone asked us how we are doing. But since March 2020 it was DIFFERENT.
Dis asof die Piet-my-vrou se geroep my ook wil laat Reflekteer oor dit wat was. Ek hoor hom die afgelope week amper die heeldag. Van vroegdag af. In die boom vlak duskant ons agterdeur.
Dis asof hy roep net vir my. Ek hoor hom. Dan dwaal my gedagtes terug na 11 April 2021 toe. Dit voel soos gister, tog was dit 8 maande gelede. Ek werk uit op my vingers hoe lank terug dit is….ek kon ook 12 minus 4 gebruik het maar besluit op ‘n fisiese manier om hierdie som te maak.
Ja ek weet, CA’s is NIE veronderstel om somme op hul vingers te maak NIE. Maar tog doen ek dit want dis iets wat vir my werk. Hoekom weet ek nie. Terug by die Piet-my-vrou en 11 April 2021. Daardie dag het ons my geboorte dag gevier.
‘n Volle 40 jaar oud. Ek kan nou nie sê een handjie vol of twee hande vol nie want ons het net 10 vingers…..maar dit merk die dag wat ek 40 geword het. Die Piet-my-vrou het daardie dag ook van vroeg af al geroep. So asof hy net ‘n klank memory wil los in my brein….elke keer as ek hom nou hoor dink ek aan daardie dag.
My ma het my nie sien 40 word nie. Dit was vir my baie erg maar ek weet dis ook ok. Ek sal oorleef. Baie mense se ouers sien hulle nie 5 of 10 of 18 jaar oud word nie…..
Die vorige jaar, toe ek 39 geword het (of geraak het soos my dogtertjie steeds soms die verkeerde woord gebruik) was ons in Hard lockdown. Nie Grendeltyd nie. Dit klink te ordentlik vir hoe dit werklik was daardie tyd. Daardie dag het ek besef en geweet hoekom die Here my in 1981 aarde toe gestuur het en nie 1980 soos ek altyd voor gewens het op skool nie. Stupid ek weet, hierdie wens van my toe ek jonger was….
Wanneer ek terug kyk na 2020 en 2021, is dit verstrengel vir my soos ek voorheen genoem het. Dis moeilik om te onderskei wat was die jaar en wat was laas jaar. Goed wat in 2020 gebeur het voel soos gister en goed wat in 2021 gebeur het voel soos eeue gelede. En andersom ook. Dis vreemd. Weird.
Ek praat baie met die Here hieroor en vra Hom HOEKOM dit so voel vir ons as mens? Een ding wat ek wel weet van die Pandemie is dat mense nie meer so gretig is om agter hul maskers en mure weg te kruip nie.
Vir die eerste keer DEEL mense hul emosies, hoe hulle voel, hoe hulle dinge ervaar met mekaar. Voorheen sou ons en ander net die gewone Goed dankie self? antwoord gegee het as iemand jou vra hoe dit gaan. Maar van 2020 af was dit ANDERS.
This time of the year it always seems to me that there is some or another form of nostalgia (I had to google what the English of heimwee was and I am not entirely convinced that this is the right word…but perhaps it is?) that tries to make itself at home in my heart. This makes that I actually do not like this time of the year. I would not say despise, as that is such a strong word. Dislike is a better word to use….This is the time we are all supposed to celebrate one of the biggest events that occurred for mankind – the birth of Christ. I know there have been many debates on when He was actually born but let’s leave that out of this conversation…
I often wondered WHY it is like this for me this time of the year. Why do I feel like this? Why is this time of the year hard for some people? As the questions spin around in my mind, making something similar to a funnel, it is as if I can feel the Holy Spirit placing His hand in the midst of the turmoil to calm all the thoughts I am having.
I take some quiet time and try to HEAR what it is that I feel God is trying to tell me. The word that stands up above everything else is REFLECT. Reflect? I ask. The answer comes back to me – Yes, reflect.
Reflect. I chew on this word like my son does with his bubblegum the whole day long. Reflect. I decide to look up a more formal meaning in the English Oxford Dictionary. Not because I do not know what it means. No, just to be a bit different in my blog entry and also to be sure that I do understand the context in which God is giving this word to me.
I take the dark blue dictionary off the bookshelf and I blow off the dust that has settled on it from not using it as often as it probably was intended to be used. This dictionary has a few more meanings and explanations than the Afrikaans dictionary. But I find the one that I feel fits what God is trying to say. Here too it is a verb and the meaning I consider the closest to what I am trying to say is meditate. To meditate on something. Another one I found is to remind oneself.So basically I am meditating on or remining myself of what has happened in the past.
The only difference is, I am not only looking back, reflecting on 2021, but rather 2020 and 2021 together. You see, last year and the current year feels like they are intertwined and twisted into one another. I cannot tell the difference between the years. I am sure this is how everyone feels, not only me.
Die tyd van die jaar is dit altyd asof daar een of ander vorm van heimwee in my hart probeer nes maak en sy plekkie vind. Dit maak dat ek eintlik glad nie van die tyd van die jaar hou nie. Die tyd wanneer ons eintlik een van die grootste gebeurtenisse vir die mensdom moet vier. Christus se geboorte. Ek weet ook dat daar baie debatte is oor wanneer Hy werklik gebore was maar dit daar gelaat…
Ek het al baie gewonder HOEKOM dit so is. Hoekom voel ek so? Hoekom is die tyd van die jaar so swaar vir sommige mense? Soos wat al die vrae deur my kop maal, is dit asof die Heilige Gees Sy hand in die gekolk en gemaal van gedagtes steek om dit stil te maak.
Ek raak stil en probeer weer hoor en LUISTER wat die Here vir my probeer sê. Die woord wat bo alles uitstaan is REFLEKTEER. Reflekteer? vra ek. Ja Reflekteer kom die antwoord terug.
Reflekteer. Ek kou aan die woord soos wat my seun sy kougom kou heeldag lank. Reflekteer. Ek besluit om die betekenis van die woord in die H.A.T. te gaan opsoek. Nie omdat ek nie weet wat dit beteken nie. Nee, net om bietjie iets anders in my blog te doen vir ‘n verandering en om maar tog seker te maak ek verstaan die konsep waarin die Here die woord vir my gee.
Ek haal die wynrooi woordeboek van die boekrak af, blaas die stof van min gebruik af. Dit blyk ‘n werkwoord te wees. Ander verduidelikings is terugkaats, weerspieël. Dit laat my dink….as ek reflekteer op die jaar wat verby is, dan kyk ek na als wat terugkaats na my toe. Al die gebeurtenisse.
Een verskil is, ek kyk nie net na 2021 nie, maar na 2020 en 2021 so saam-saam. Jy sien, laas jaar en die huidige jaar voel ineen verstrengel vir my. Ek is seker dis hoe dit vir almal voel, nie net vir my nie.
When I started my first job, no wait, when I was still at school and we purchased a second hand computer from someone, around 1996 or 1997, I discovered this game on a computer. It is a game with a whole bunch of blocks. When you right click with your mouse, then you place flags on the blocks.
Two types of flags – red flags and black flags if I remember correctly. If you click on some of the blocks, they open up a bigger area with nothing underneath them. Others reveal the numbers one and two. Nothing that I ever did on this game made sense to me. I tried to read the rules, understand the logic of the game. At some stage I figured out that the numbers one and two is supposed to give you an indication of the amount of bombs close to the one you just selected.
The red flags mean you mark where you THINK the bombs are and the black flags are area’s that you recon is bomb-free. All this time, I just played the game, not fully understanding the rules and not bothering to actually trying to understand it so that I can actually beat the game. Every time I played it, it was just a matter of time before I chose a block with a bomb underneath it.
This past week or two it felt to me as if I was playing a similar game in real life. Ok, since the start of December 2021 it felt like this to me and it feels like we are trapped in some reality game. The bombs that I was trying to miss? The feared virus of the Pandemic that we find ourselves in. You see, to me it feels like it does not matter how closely you follow the rules and play the so-called game, it is only a matter of time before you will step on a bomb.
You read the rules, think you understand it, follow it, mark what you recon are bombs with the flags and the safe areas are also marked by you. But, you take your eye off the game for just a tiny moment only to discover that you have stepped on one. The bomb goes off. Your husband tests positive. The thing is in your house. The thing that no one can see is HERE.
You freak out because you don’t know WHAT to expect. He is NEVER ill. Now he sleeps for hours during the day. All the responsibilities of parenting comes down on the one that is not ill. Goodness me, let me tell you, I felt like a single mom at some stage. It was no fun at all.
It was even worse for me to see him like that. I find myself crying secretly in the bathroom where no one can see me. I don’t want to upset him or the kids. I must be strong. I must ensure that he eats, drinks his medicine and sleeps. The devil tried to catch me with lies in my mind.
He even tried to convince me that my husband is not going to make it. He actually had it very light and his symptoms were not as terrible as one hears other talk about their experience. But, I still fall for the lies – hook, line and sinker. That makes me freak out even more.
I sleep in the children’s room with them. We have to isolate from him. My arms start to feel sore from lack of sleep. My back feels like it is going to go into spasm any moment because I am sleeping on a mattress that is not mine. You see, my mattress feels to me, as if it folds itself around me when I lie down. I miss my bed. About three nights of bad or little sleep leaves me in tears. I cry for nothing and cannot get anything done relating to work. I decide by myself, this is it, now I am sleeping in my own bed again.
That was the Monday evening. The next day I feel like a brand new person. My arms are no longer sore because I actually slept well. It is very strange, but they always ache when I go through stressful times and on top of it all when I don’t sleep well too. Thank God for my mattress and a good night’s rest!
At some stage I hear a song on Spotify. Jeremy Camp’s Out of my hands. I heard it before and have marked it as a favorite song. It comes up every so often on my playlists. But this time it is as if God is TALKING to ME. I listen carefully to the words.
I realise that this whole Pandemic, the virus, the bombs that we are all trying to miss, is something that we do not have control over. It is not in our hands. Does not matter HOW hard you try, you cannot avoid the unavoidable….
I listen carefully to the words again. Take this out of my hands I hear Jeremy Camp sing. Out of my hands and into Yours…..I stand quietly for a moment and LISTEN to what God is trying to tell me about this….He is in control ALWAYS. Nothing is too big for Him. We just have to let Him take it out of our hands and into His so that He can handle it on our behalf.
Toe ek begin werk het, nee wag, toe ek nog op skool was en ons iewers in 1996 of 1997 ‘n tweede handse rekenaar by iemand oorgekoop het, het ek ‘n sekere speletjie op die rekenaar ontdek. Dis ‘n speletjie met ‘n klomp blokkies op. As jy regs click met jou muis, dan plaas jy vlaggies op die blokkies.
Twee tipes vlaggies – rooi vlaggies en dan swart vlaggies as ek reg onthou. As jy op sommige blokkies druk, dan maak dit ‘n hele rits blokkies oop met niks onder hulle nie en ander maak nommertjies oop – een’s en twee’s. Niks wat ek ooit op die speletjie gedoen het, het OOIT sin gemaak nie. Ek het probeer om die reëls te lees en het later uitgewerk dat die syfertjies wat ontbloot word vir jou ‘n indikasie gee van die hoeveelheid bomme wat naby jou gekose blokkies is.
Die rooi vlaggies beteken jy merk waar jy DINK die bomme is, en die swart vlaggies die area’s wat jy reken bom-vry is. So kap ek altyd aan met die speletjie, verstaan glad niks van die reëls nie en trap altyd een of ander bom af, al analiseer ek die nommertjies en merk die blokkies wat ek dink bomme het.
Hierdie afgelope week of twee het dit vir my gevoel of ek ‘n soortgelyke speletjie in die regte lewe speel. Ok, sedert begin Desember 2021 al, voel dit of ons in hierdie realiteitsding vasgevang is. Die bomme wat ek probeer mis? Die gevreesde virus van die Pandemie waarin ons onsself bevind. Jy sien, maak nie saak HOE versigtig jy die reëls probeer volg en die spel probeer speel nie, dis net ‘n kwessie van tyd voor jy ‘n bom gaan aftrap.
Jy lees die reëls, dink jy verstaan en volg dit, merk wat jy reken bomme is met vlaggies en dit wat jy as veilig sien met die ander kleur vlaggies. Maar helaas, jy vat vir ‘n oomblik jou oog van die spel af en daar is dit so. Jy trap op hom. Die bom gaan af. Jou man toets positief.Die ding is in jou huis. Die ding wat niemand kan sien nie is nou hier.
Jy freak uit want jy weet nie wat om te verwag nie. Hy is NOOIT siek nie. Nou lê en slaap hy vir ure in die dag. Al die verantwoordelikhede van ouerskap kom op die een wat nie siek is nie neer. Liewe aarde, ek het soos ‘n enkelma gevoel op ‘n stadium. Dit was glad nie pret nie, laat ek jou vertel.
Nog erger vir my is om hom so te sien. Ek huil kort-kort en gaan doen dit maar in die badkamer waar niemand my kan sien nie. Ek wil nie hom ontstel nie. Wil nie die kinders ontstel nie. Ek moet sterk staan, hulle versorg. Sorg dat hy eet, medisyne kry, rus. Die duiwel kom kort-kort met jok stories in my gedagtes.
Hy probeer my selfs oortuig dat my man dit nie gaan maak nie. Hy het eintlik dit baie lig gehad en sy simptome was nie so woes soos mens ander hoor praat het nie. Tog val ek hook, line & sinker vir die leuen. Dit laat my nog meer uitfreak.
Ek slaap saam met die kinders in hul kamer. Ons moet mos isoleer van hom af. My arms raak seer van sleg en min slaap. My rug voel styf en verslaap omdat ek op ‘n matras, wat nie myne is nie, slaap. Jy sien, my matras voel of hy homself so om my lyf vou as ek gaan lê. Ek mis dit. So drie aande se min of geen slaap los my in trane. Ek is huilerig, kry niks uitgerig wat werk aanbetref nie. Ek besluit by myself, bogger daai liefde vanaand slaap ek in my eie bed.
Dis die Maandagaand. Die volgende dag voel ek soos ‘n nuwe mens. My arms is nie meer seer van sleg slaap nie. Dis vreemd maar dit pyn altyd as ek deur druk tye gaan, en nog bo op dit alles wanneer ek sleg slaap. Dank die Here vir my matras en ‘n goeie nag se rus!
Een of ander stadium hoor ek ‘n liedjie op Spotify speel. Jeremy Camp se Out of my hands. Ek het al voorheen die liedjie gehoor, as ‘n gunsteling gemerk en hy kom gereeld op my playlists op. Maar die keer is dit asof die Here met MY praat. Ek luister aandagtig na die woorde.
Ek besef die hele Pandemie, die virus, die bomme wat mens so probeer mis, is iets waaroor niemand van ons beheer het nie. Dis nie in ons hande nie. Maak nie saak HOE hard jy probeer nie, jy kan nie die onvermeidelike vermy nie…..
Ek luister aandagtig na die woorde. Take this out of my hands hoor ek Jeremy Camp sing. Out of my hands and into Yours…..ek staan ‘n oomblik stil en LUISTER net wat die Here vir my probeer sê hieroor…..Hy is in beheer ALTYD en niks is te groot vir Hom nie. Ons moet net oorgee dat Hy dit kan hanteer namens ons.
Saturday 4 December 2021. What a lovely morning. Slightly overcast and cool, something that is welcome after the intense heat that we had experienced the few days before. As per usual, the parents park their vehicles at Eden Leersentrum to attend the annual price givingand concert.
But this time it is different, different for our family. It is our children’s last price giving and concert at Eden. Why? you may ask. My answer? The children grow up. Franco, my eldest, is finished with primary school.
You see, we all knew that this day would come, since 2016 when we first enrolled our children, we knew that this day would come. Yet we decided to avoid this subject and not have a stare-down competition with it. Just not giving it any attention.
It is even more strange and different than usual, because I attended this alone. My husband could not attend as he tested positive for the virus and is self-isolating in the house, separate from us, so that we can attend the function. We also tested and the results were negative for the rest of us. We could attend the morning with a peaceful heart (for what it is worth).
My heart is broken on his behalf, because he could not see the last concert, he could not hear them say their speeches that they worked so hard on, hear the songs and see the dances they performed. He had to view everything via a video that I took with my cellphone, which was sent via Whatsapp to him. I keep my distance, keep the mask on, avoid physical contact with anyone. Another thing that is strange for me.
A friend walks closer and waves at me. I can see she wants to give me a hug. I stop her immediately. My heart breaks into even smaller pieces, you see, my love language is not getting the food it needs, especially on a day like this. One of the hardest days that I had secretly hoped would never arrive.
The concert, speeches and rhymes that the kids had prepared go according to their plans, everything was perfect, no one forgot their words. Everyone talks loud and clear while it continues to rain softly every now and then. Certificates are handed to the children, they stand proud with their teachers for photographs, holding their certificates that they had worked so hard for.
The morning goes by quickly, quicker than what one would expect. This is it. The time to say goodbye has arrived. With tears in my eyes, I walk to the first teacher, thank her for all that she had done. I cannot help it, the tears and emotions overwhelm me and take over everything.
I walk towards the other teachers, all emotional and crying I greet them and thank them for all that they had done. It is such a bitter-sweet moment. The kids grow up, we have to move on. This phase is over for ever. Yet it is so hard to say goodbye.
Michélle Nortjé – this is just a small something that I could give you from the bottom of my heart. Something to thank you for all that you had done over time and meant for our kids. May God bless Eden Leersentrum even more and may it grow from strength to strength.
This is certainly not a farewell, but just a goodbye. Until we meet again. The end of a season always arrives and we have to meet the new season with open arms. Bitter-sweet, this is how I would describe the transition to the new season….
Saterdag 4 Desember 2021. Dis ‘n lieflike oggend. Effens bewolk en koel wat baie welkom is na die drukkende hitte van die vorige paar dae. Oudergewoonte stop & parkeer daar karre by Eden Leersentrum om die jaarlikse toekenningsoggend by te woon.
Maar die keer is dit anders, anders vir ons gesin. Dis ons kinders se laaste toekenningsoggend en konsert by Eden. Hoekom? vra jy dalk. My antwoord? Die kinders word groot. Franco, my oudste is klaar met laerskool.
Jy sien, ons almal het geweet hierdie dag gaan kom, sedert 2016 wat ons die kinders daar ingeskryf het, het ons geweet die dag gaan kom. Tog het ons besluit om dit te vermy en nie die ding in die gesig te staar nie. Nie aan hom aandag te gee nie.
Dis verder nog meer anders en vreemd, want dis net ek en die kinders daar. My man kon nie dit bywoon nie want hy het positief getoets vir die virus en self-isoleer in ons huis, apart van ons, sodat ons die oggend kan bywoon. Ons het ook gaan toets en was negatief en kon ons dus met ‘n geruste hart (soort van en vir wat dit werd is) die dag bywoon.
My hart breek vir hom, want hy kon nie hul laaste opvoerings, woorde wat gespreek was, liedjies wat gesing was of dansies wat opgevoer was beleef en ervaar nie. Hy moes alles met ‘n video aanskou, videos wat ek met my selfoon geneem het en per Whatsapp aan hom gestuur het. Ek hou my afstand, hou my masker op, vermy fisiese kontak met almal. Nog iets wat vreemd is vir my.
‘n Vriendin stap nader en waai vir my. Ek sien sy wil my ‘n drukkie gee. Ek keer haar vinnig. My hart krimp ineen, my liefdestaal kry nie kos op ‘n dag soos vandag nie, juis die dag wat ek dit die nodigste het. Die moeilikste dag wat ek gehoop het nooit sou arriveer nie.
Die opvoerings en rympies en gediggies wat die kinders opsê verloop seepglad. Niemand vergeet hul woorde nie. Almal praat mooi en duidelik terwyl die reën by tye saggies neer sif. Sertifikate word uitgedeel, kinders staan trots vir hul foto’s saam met hul juffrouens, sertifikaat in die hand.
Die oggend se verrigtinge gaan verby, vinniger as wat mens sou verwag. Toe is dit nou so. Die tyd om te groet het aangebreek. Met trane in my oë loop ek na die eerste juffrou toe, bedank haar vir alles wat sy gedoen het. Ek kan nie dit keer nie, die trane en emosie oorweldig my.
Ek loop na die ander juffrouens toe, al huilende bedank ek hulle vir alles wat hulle gedoen het. Dis so ‘n bitter-soet oomblik. Die kinders word groot, ons moet aanbeweeg. Die fase is verby vir ewig. Tog is dit so bitter moeilik om te groet en totsiens te sê.
Michélle Nortjé – hierdie is net ‘n ietsie wat ek kon gee uit die diepte van my hart uit om jou te bedank vir dit wat julle vir ons kinders gedoen en beteken het oor al die jare. Mag die Here Eden Leersentrum net nog meer seën en laat groei van krag tot krag.
Die is vir seker nie Vaarwel nie, maar net ‘n Totsiens. Tot wedersiens. Die einde van ‘n seisoen kom altyd en ons moet ook die nuwe seisoen met ope arms aangryp. Bitter-soet, dit is hoe ek die oorgang van hierdie een seisoen na die volgende sou beskryf….
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