First and foremost – is tumbleweed really the right word to use for tolbos? Anyway, it is Monday evening and the whole house is asleep. Fudge the Pekingese is snoring away happily on the bed between us. I hear the sound of the clock in the lounge, silently counting the number of times it rings. I actually know it will be 12. It is midnight. The hamster is having a race to the moon and back on her wheel in the cage in the lounge. I wonder how many watts a hamster generates in their lifetime?
It is officially Tuesday and not Monday anymore. My brain feels like a tumbleweed (yes I do seem to think this is the right word to use), being driven by the wind in a direction. Like something I have no control over. The wind and my thoughts.
I think about what is lying ahead. Provisional tax. How I am going to feel tomorrow, potentially like a worn out rag. All because I missed my little window of sleep (due to an unplanned task landing on my desk, not work related). I missed the opportunity to sleep by I don’t know how many hours.
How many calculations must be done before 31 August 2022? Was it right of me to remove someone from my list because they owe me money for months and I am unable to reach them by all means possible to me? Is my interpretation of a provisional tax payer correct? Am I reading and interpreting the Act correct? What am I going to wear to the event that I was invited as a guest speaker in November?
What must I tell the people??? Who wants to listen to me? I wonder how the Adorned camp is going to be like? Am I going to know anyone there? Am I going to share a room with a stranger? How am I going to submit all the tax returns by 24 October 2022? Why did I choose this job??? This job that makes me want to panic and run around the room, every second day, like Spongebob and Patrick. If you are wondering what I am talking about – go to Whatsapp and under gifs search for Spongebob and Patrick panic and then you can laugh with me with what I am trying to say here.
I AM now both Spongebob AND Patrick. Or can I let my husband be Patrick? He does not look like he has a worry of a day old. I envy him and my daughter that can just fall asleep when they get into bed. Why am I typing this? What am I going to achieve with this? Oh my word, are the 2023 diaries really going to look pretty? What am I trying to say with this entry?
Just like a tumbleweed being blown around by the wind, all my thoughts are tumbling and twisting through my brain. Without control and left at the mercy of the wind. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and try to sleep. But man oh man, it is like sleep is playing a dodge game with me. There is just too much traffic in my brain. Then, out of no where, it is as if God comes to create order in my thoughts.
That which must be said at the event later the year starts to take shape. Of course I am making mental notes, because it was just too cold to get up for a pen and notebook or even start up my laptop to capture the concept.
The uncertainties about how I am going to get everything done is moved to one side. Everything is going to be ok. I am going to finish in time with everything. I must just do my bit. If people do not want to pay, then I am not obliged to render a service. Pick ‘n Pay does not hand out sugar to people who does not want to pay for it. Why should our industry be any different?
I can feel how Tiredness is stalking me. Slowly but surely, on tippy toes and gently so that I do not get a fright that might change my DNA or blood group if I spot Tiredness. With a greatful heart, I snuggle in and pull the duck down duvet up to my nose, turn on my side, greeting Tiredness with open arms.
The Tuesday, as I was getting ready for the day, I find myself humming a song. Psalm 46 (featuring Chelsey Scott) by Bifrost Artists. The chorus stands out to me. Be still….and know… that I… am God. I realise again, that this is what God told me in the wee hours of the morning when sleep was avoiding me….
Dis Maandag nag. Die hele huis slaap. Fudge die Pekingese, snork te heerlik op die bed by ons. Ek hoor die horlosie in die sitkamer slaan en tel hoeveel slae ek hoor. Eintlik weet ek dit gaan 12 wees. Dis middernag. Die hamster hardloop vir die eerste span daar in die sitkamer. Ek wonder hoeveel watts se krag wek ‘n hamster in ‘n leeftyd op?
Dis nou Dinsdag en nie meer Maandag nie. My brein voel soos ‘n tolbos wat deur die wind aangedreef word in ‘n rigting. Soos iets waaroor ek nie beheer het nie. Die wind en my gedagtes.
Ek dink aan dit wat voorlê. Voorlopigebelasting. Hoe potensieël op soos ou brood ek die volgende dag gaan wees omdat ek my slaap venstertjie gemis het (weens iets wat onbeplan op my tafel geland het, glad nie met werk uit te waai nie). Ek het die geleentheid om te slaap met ek weet nie hoeveel ure nie gemis.
Hoeveel berekeninge ek nog moet doen voor 31 Augustus 2022? Was dit reg om iemand van my lysie af te haal omdat hulle my vir maande geld skuld en ek net nie hulle in die hande kan kry nie? Is my interpretasie van ‘n voorlopigebelastingbetaler reg? Lees en interpreteer ek die wet reg? Wat gaan ek aantrek na die geleentheid waarheen ek genooi is as gasspreker in November?
Wat moet ek vir die mense sê??? Wie wil nou na my luister? Ek wonder hoe die Adorned kamp gaan verloop? Gaan ek iemand ken daar? Gaan ek saam met ‘n vreemdeling ‘n kamer deel? Hoe gaan ek al my belastingopgawes ingedien kry teen 24 Oktober 2022? Hoekom het ek hierdie beroep gekies??? Hierdie beroep wat my elke tweede dag ‘n Spongebob en Patrick oomblik van paniek laat beleef. As jy wonder waaroor ek praat – gaan soek op Whatsapp onder die gifsSpongebob and Patrick panic en dan lag jy maar lekker saam vir dit wat ek probeer oordra hier.
Ek IS nou beide Spongebob EN Patrick. Of kan ek maar Patrick afstaan aan my man? Hy lyk nie of hy ‘n dag se bekommernis het nie. Ek beny hom en my dogtertjie wat net aan die slaap raak wanneer hul in die bed klim. Hoekom tik ek nou hierdie? Wat gaan ek daardeur bereik? O aarde gaan die 2023 dagboeke regtig mooi lyk? Wat probeer ek eintlik sê met hierdie inskrywing?
So tol en draai die gedagtes deur my brein, presies net soos ‘n tolbos wat deur die wind rondgewaai word. Beheerloos en aan die wind se genade oorgelaat.Ek vat ‘n diep teug asem, maak my oë toe en probeer slaap. Helaas, die slaap ontwyk my. Daar is net te veel verkeer in my brein. Dan vanuit nêrens is dit asof die Here my gedagtes kom orden.
Dit wat ek moet sê en vertel by die geleentheid later die jaar begin vorm aan neem. Natuurlik maak ek net mental notes want dis gans en al te koud om nou op te staan vir ‘n notaboek en pen, of selfs my rekenaar aan te skakel om die konsep vas te lê.
Die onsekerheid oor hoe ek alles werksgewys gaan doen word opsy geskuif. Alles gaan ok wees. Ek gaan betyds met alles klaar kry. Ek moet net my kant bring. As mense my nie wil betaal nie, is ek nie verplig om ‘n diens te lewer nie. Pick ‘n Pay deel nie suiker uit vir mense wat nie wil betaal nie, hoekom moet ons bedryf anders wees?
Ek voel hoe die Moegheid my bekruip. Stadig maar seker, op tippy toes, sagkuns sodat ek nie my in ‘n ander bloedgroep in skrik as ek Moegheid gewaar nie. Met ‘n dankbare hart trek ek die gansdons duvet nog hoër op tot oor my neus, draai op my sy en groet Moegheid met ope arms.
Die Dinsdag, toe ek regmaak vir die dag, vind ek myself ‘n liedjie neurie. Psalm 46 (featuring Chelsey Scott) deur Bifrost Artists. Die koor gedeelte staan uit vir my. Be still…. and know…. that I…. am God. Ek besef net weer, dat dit is wat die Here vir my kom sê het in die middernagtelike ure toe die slaap my ontwyk het….
This entry is written on a lighter note. And actually just a bit of humor on a cold Saturday! This past Monday, I walked through our house, on a mission as always. Dressed and ready to leave to go to Cross Fit.
Somewhere while getting dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror and decided that the fat roll around my waste, that is making sure that I am exhausted from exercise, is due to all the milky coffees (and rusks) that I consume – more the coffee than the rusks I might add. I really try NOT to consume rusks daily! But with my exercise clothes on I decided it does not look that bad, if I am allowed to like and complement myself.
None the less, I walked to the kitchen to pack my cooler bag with Herbalife products – CR7 for the sore muscles and Protein shake to help repair the microscopic tears caused by exercise. Yes, apparently that is what happens when you exercise. You tear your muscles. So THAT is probably also part of why you feel stiff and sore?
This together with something else that I, for the life of me, cannot remember from matric Biology. Something like anaerobic (I used Google translate for this one so I hope it is right and in context) respiration. Yes, I think this is the term. Where was I? Oh yes, on my way to the kitchen. I walked past my son (13 years of age). We smile at each other and he says: “Mom, you look like a Barbie!”
For an ever so slightly millisecond my heart was pounding proudly in my chest. I thought to myself – the exercising is WORKING!!! It was merely a figment of my imagination that I have a little fat roll from too much coffee and rusks!!! And just as quickly as what that moment appeared it dissappeared again. Going up in smoke so to speak. Poof just like that.
Like a balloon that briefly touched a thorn – that is how this moment was shattered. My son continues, he says “Mom, the stuff on your eyes makes you look like a Barbie! What is that on your eyes?” Oh my WORD!!!!! it was my MAKE UP all the time that made him think of a Barbie and literally NOTHING ELSE!!! I had an appointment with a client that day and put more make up on than what I normally do.
So now you know how I experienced a Barbie moment. Was nice while it lasted but I recon I must work a bit more by doing more core exercises, hopefully that will work away the coffee and rusks displayed around my waist. A six pack seems too much to try and achieve, because it starts in the kitchen they say. And I love lekker food too much to get a Barbie body with a six pack.
I know in real life, the proportions of a Barbie is not like that of the toy doll, (they are way off apparently) but that is not what I am looking at here when I think of a Barbie…I think of all the clothes that just fit when worn and of course, the perfect make up that goes with it. And the hair. Do not forget the hair!
Hierdie inskrywing is op ‘n ligter noot. En eintlik maar net vir ‘n bietjie humor so op ‘n koue Saterdag! Laas Maandag loop ek deur die huis. Op ‘n mission soos altyd. Reg aangetrek om te gaan Cross Fit.
Iewers toe ek aantrek kyk ek weer vir myself in die spieël en besluit die vetrol wat my so uitput by oefening is te danke aan my melkkoffie (en beskuit) inname – seker meer die koffie as die beskuit reken ek want ek probeer regtig NIE elke dag beskuit eet nie. Maar toe my oefen klere aan is, toe lyk dit nie te sleg nie, as ek nou myself kan like en komplementeer.
Nie te min, ek stap kombuis toe om my koelsakkie met Herbalife produkte te laai – CR7 vir die seer spiere en Protein shake om die spiere wat mikroskopiese skeurtjies kry te help met herstel. Ja, dis blykbaar wat gebeur as jy oefen. Jy skeur jou spiere. So DIS seker deel van hoekom dit styf en seer is?
Saam met nog iets wat ek nou vervlaks nie uit my matriek Biologie kan onthou nie. Iets soos anaerobiese respirasie. Ja ek dink dis die term. Waar was ek? O ja, oppad kombuis toe. Ek loop verby my seun (13 jaar oud). Ons glimlag vir mekaar en hy sê “Mamma, jy lyk soos ‘n Barbie!”
Vir ‘n vlietende vlugtige oomblik klop my hart breëbors hier binne my. Ek dink by myself – die oefening WERK!! Ek het my net verbeel dat ek ‘n koffie en beskuit magie het!!! En net so vinnig as wat ek hierdie oomblik beleef het, word hy gebars.
Soos ‘n ballon wat op dorings val verbrokkel my oomblik wat ek beleef het. My seun praat verder, hy sê “Mamma, die goed op jou oë laat jou soos ‘n Barbie lyk! Wat is dit op jou oë?”Oh my WORD!!!!! Dis toe al die tyd my GRIMERING wat vir hom soos ‘n Barbie lyk en letterlik NIKS ANDERS NIE! Ek het daardie dag ‘n afspraak met ‘n kliënt gehad en toe meer grimering as normaal aangewend vir daardie doel.
Nou ja toe, ek het ‘n Barbie oomblik beleef die week. Was nice while it lasted maar ek reken ek moet maar nog so bietjie core oefeninge doen om die beskuit en koffie magie weg te kry. ‘n Six pack sien ek nie voor kans nie, want dit begin in die kombuis hoor ek die slim mense praat. En ek hou maar te veel van lekker kos om ‘n Barbie lyf en six pack te kan hê.
Ek weet in regte lewe is Barbie se proporsie glad nie so goed uiteengesit soos die speelding nie, maar dis nou glad nie waarna ek kyk as ek dink aan ‘n Barbie nie….ek dink aan al die klere wat net pas wat sy aantrek en natuurlik, die perfekte grimering wat saam met dit gaan. En hare. Moet nie die hare vergeet nie!
While I am sitting here, typing away at this entry, I feel like everything in my life has been blown out of order and it almost feels as if the August winds of a few days ago has something to do with it. For those who do not know – August is also a busy month work wise. Less hectic than February, but also a peak time with loads of things that have to be completed with limited time available in the day.Speed dating for taxes time again.
The pages on my deskpad are getting less and less. There are only 4 left and if I blink my eyes again, I am going to tear off the page for August too. Then there are only 3 months left in this year. WHERE DID THE TIME GO TO???? Where did 2022 dissappear to? In my mind I am still caught up somewhere in March.
None the less, the page for August is full of notes with additional maths classes and times, exercise times for me, exercise times for the kids at school and then a mountain of notes on the side of the page, competing with the beauty of the flamingos in the background.
Yet again I am not surprised about this month’s scripture. It is so applicable and appropriate, as was every other month’s scripture. You see, when I chose 12 verses last year, I literally chose 12 verses that stood out to me, and in the order I received them I allocated them to the months of the year. There is NO WAY that I would have known how this month’s scripture would be seen as pertinent and applicable to me and where I am now.
What a BIG WORD! Pertinent. There I am getting side tracked again. Something that I feel happens too often these days. Almost like Dory in Finding Nemo. I am busy working on something, searching for a document on our network, then I remember about an e-mail I was supposed to send to a client. Then I send the e-mail and then I forget what I was busy with in the first place!
When I thought about the scripture this morning and what I want to write about, I only got the words Life Guard. It was in English and for my Afrikaans version I had to think carefully what the Afrikaans word is for Life Guard. It is very interesting how God sometimes reveals things only in English to me and other times only in Afrikaans. Back to the scripture.
I remember the first time I read this scripture. Somebody sent me a picture. It was a little girl with arms full of flowers (a cartoon image) and it read something in the lines of God will help you. Something like that.
When I read it in the Bible (I reverted to the Afrikaans version), I realised what a powerful scripture this is and how the picture almost dumbed it down too much, if I can state it like that. You see, at that time in my life, I had to present Financial Statements to a company and discuss it with them. A company that had a turnover of more than 1 BILLION RAND. I had to Google how many zero’s a Billion had (it is 9 just by the way), because I have never worked with that sized numbers in our business.
I even purchased a dress or two for these meetings (there were a few), because I felt I had to look the part and my clothes would not be able to compete with the turnover (sales if you are wondering what turnover is). I cannot arrive in my denim and sneakers like I dress most days when I work from home. None the less, the scripture just still stands out to me. Especially the part that says (in the Afrikaans version only) do not look around anxiously (kyk nie angstig rond nie). It makes me think of Peter who did not focus on Jesus and allowed the waves around him to loose focus and disabled him to walk on water.
And of course, when I think of waves, I think about what I wrote in June 2021 (or was it May?). About how I felt as if the waves of anxiety were trying to consume me. It still feels this way at times with a new routine with the kids, together with changes in work circumstances, other things and circumstances in our lives and all of that, added together, equals a moment of anxiety or three every two minutes and then it lasts the whole day it feels.
A month or two ago, I heard a new song on Spotify. Things that I’m afraid of by Ross King and Josh Wilson. I do not know who sang the song first (almost like what was first – the chicken or the egg?), and I like both versions. In the song he sings that the things that he is afraid of, fears God too.
That made me think. Because I NEVER thought of it like that. Sometimes we sit with so much fear bottled up inside of us, that we forget where fear comes from (it is not from God just by the by) and that which we fear, fears the Name of Jesus even more.
As I see the waves of everyday life around me, I try to stay focussed on Jesus. It is hard at times. Sometimes I fail myself when I get dispaired about so many things. Getting negative and not counting my words when I speak. Getting angry about circumstances in my life. Frustrations about things in my life that are not within my control. Many times the frustrations are about non-work related things.
And then, just as I feel the horison is rising, because I am not on top of the water anymore, the righteous right hand of the Life Guard reaches out to me, picking me up from the chaos. That which I fear has a bigger fear for the Life Guard. THAT is something that I must always remember. The things that I’m afraid of are afraid of you….I hear the words of the song wandering through my thoughts and mind….
Soos wat ek hier sit en hierdie inskrywing tik, voel ek deurmekaar gewaai en dit voel amper of die Augustus winde van ‘n dag of wat gelede bygedra het tot die gevoel. Vir die wat nie weet nie – Augustus is ook een van ons besige tye. Minder besig as Februarie, maar ook ‘n kritiese tyd van tonne goed wat moet klaar met beperkte ure in die dag. Speed dating wat belasting aanbetref.
My deskpad se bladsye raak nou min. Daar is net 4 oor en as ek weer sien gaan ek Augustus se bladsy ook afskeur en dan is daar net 3 maande van die jaar oor. WAAR HET DIE TYD HEEN GEGAAN??? Waar het 2022 heen verdwyn? In my kop is ek nog vasgevang in Maart iewers.
Nie te min, die bladsy vir Augustus is vol geskribbel met ekstra Wiskunde klasse en tye, oefen tye vir my, oefeninge vir die kinders by die skool en dan hope nota’s aan die kant van die bladsy wat kompeteer met die prag van die flaminke in die agtergrond.
Weereens verbaas dit my nie dat die maand se skrif so van toepassing is nie. Jy sien, toe ek die skrif laas jaar gekies het, het ek letterlik 12 verse wat vir my uitgestaan het geneem en in orde soos wat ek dit ontvang het gaan allokeer teenoor ‘n maand. Daar is mos nie ‘n MANIER dat ek nou kon weet dat die maand se skrif vir my so pertinent sal uitstaan nie.
Sjoe – dis ‘n GROOT WOORD! Pertinent. Goed, daar raak ek alweer side tracked. Iets wat vir my voel gereeld gebeur. Amper soos Dory in Finding Nemo. Ek is besig om te werk aan iets, gaan soek iets op die netwerk, dan onthou ek van ‘n e-pos wat ek moes stuur vir ‘n kliënt, dan stuur ek die e-pos en dan het ek heeltemal vergeet waarmee ek besig was!
Toe ek vanoggend dink aan die skrif en wat ek wil skryf kom Life Guard by my op. Ek moes mooi gaan dink wat die Afrikaans is vir Life Guard. Dis vir my bitter interessant hoe die Here soms net in Engels goed vir my openbaar en ander kere net in Afrikaans. Terug by die skrif.
Ek onthou die eerste keer toe ek die skrif gelees het. Iemand het nog vir my ‘n prentjie gestuur. Dit was ‘n dogtertjie wat baie tevrede met haarself gelyk het met arms vol blomme (‘n cartoon prentjie) en dit het iets in die sin van Die Here sal jou help en red gelees. Iets soos dit.
Toe ek dit in die Bybel gaan lees, besef ek hoe powerful die skrif is en hoe die prentjie dit net amper te veel vereenvoudig het, as ek dit nou so kon stel. Jy sien, op daardie stadium in my lewe, moes ek vir ‘n maatskappy hul Finansiële State gaan voorlê en bespreek. ‘n Maatskappy met meer as 1 BILJOEN RAND se omset. Ek moes gaan google hoeveel nulle is ‘n Biljoen (dis 9 net so tussen ons), want ek het voor dit nog nooit met sulke groot syfers gewerk in ons besigheid nie, en ook nie iets so groot soos dit alleen moes voorlê nie.
Ek het selfs ‘n rok of twee gaan koop, want ek het gevoel my klere steek af teen die omset (verkope as jy wonder wat omset is). I had to look and dress the part jy weet. Ek kan nou nie daar gaan opdaag in my denim en tekkies soos wat ek meeste van die kere maar in sit en werk by die huis nie. Nie te min, die skrif staan vir my uit. Veral die deel wat lees kyk nie angstig rond nie. Dit laat my dink aan Petrus wat nie op Jesus gefokus het nie en toegelaat het dat die golwe om hom, hom laat sink het.
En natuurlik met die golwe saam, dink ek weer aan wat ek geskryf het in Junie 2021 (of was dit Mei?). Oor hoe ek gevoel het of die golwe van angs my probeer verswelg. Dit voel steeds by tye so met ‘n nuwe roetine met die kinders, saam met werksveranderinge, ander omstandighede in my lewe en dit alles saam is vir seker gelyk aan ‘n angstige oomblik of drie elke 2 minute en dan hou dit aan die hele dag lank voel dit vir my.
Ek het so maand of twee gelede ‘n nuwe liedjie gehoor op Spofity. Things that I’m afraid of deur Ross King en Josh Wilson. Ek weet nie wie het eerste die liedjie gesing nie (dis nou amper soos wat was eerste – die hoender of die eier?), en albei se weergawes is vir my mooi. In die liedjie sing hy dat die dinge waarvoor hy bang is, ook bang is vir die Here.
Dit het my laat dink. Want ek het NOOIT so daaraan gedink nie. Ons sit soms met soveel vrees in ons opgekrop, maar ons vergeet waar kom vrees vandaan (dis nie van God af nie) en dit wat ons vrees, vrees die Naam van Jesus nog meer.
Soos wat ek golwe om my sien en ervaar in alledaagse dinge, probeer ek gefokus bly op Jesus. Dis moeilik soms. Soms laat ek myself in die steek deur moedeloos te raak oor so baie goed. Negatief te praat en nie altyd ‘n wag voor my mond te plaas nie. Kwaad te word vir omstandighede buite my beheer. Gefrustreerd met ander goed in my lewe, meeste van die kere nie eens eintlik werk nie, wat ook buite my beheer is.
En dan soos wat ek voel ek begin sink, kom die Lewensredder se reddende regterhand en tel my op uit die chaos uit. Dit wat ek vrees, het ‘n groter vrees vir die Lewensredder. DIT moet ek altyd onthou. The things that I’m afraid of are afraid of you….hoor ek weer die liedjie deur my gedagtes dwaal….
Navy court shoes, silver grey stockings. If you have to ask me what I remember about my school clothes, then it is probably that. I walk through reception, probably the first time in 24 years in daylight, on a week day, at the school where I matriculated. Goudrif High School. I notice the school emblem against the wall with the slogan (is this the right word for leuse as we call it in Afrikaans?) Roepingsbewus and I suddenly wonder if it was always there. I recon that I did not visit this part of the school enough to actually remember.
Elsabé Lartz meets up with me just as I exit the ladies room – the one for staff and teachers only, prohibited for use by kids. This is now part of the area that I am allowed to move around in. Strangely enough, I am convinced that this ladies room was bigger than what it appears now. We walk to my car to take out the things I brought with. She asks me a few questions – what year I matriculated, what my maiden name was, do I have kids. Mrs. Lartz will be at this school for 20 years in 2022. We missed each other in the school passages by 4 years.
She tells me that I probably still remember where the school hall is, letting me walk ahead of her. The moment I walked into the hall, it was as if 24 years disappeared. The shy, uncertain matriculant is back for a moment. A flood of memories flash through my mind. I recall the night we were announced as Prefects in grade 11, how we practiced for hours and hours for the Revue in that same hall.
The stage stands proud with stairs and various platforms, ready for a Revue to take place on it. The hall still smells the same. Is it not amazing how smells can take you back in time? I can still relive the layout of the tables while writing the various exams in matric – probably all the exams for that year were written there? I cannot remember. I only remember the one around August / September and then the finals in October / November.
She asks me how it feels to be back at the school. My answer was one word – Weird. I stand opposite the Head Girls nameboard against the wall. I take a picture for my sister who was Head Girl in 1994. A while later, the sound team come in to set up a microphone for me (one which I decided not to make use of). One of the boys asks me if I have music that I want to play. I have this dumbstruck look on my face – that is certainly something that I DID NOT think of. Music and a slideshow. “Maybe next time” I answer them.
The bell rings for a break, the kids enter the hall. More than what I had expected. Mrs. Lartz said that she asked her grade 12’s to invite other kids that are not Consumer Study students. I hope I have the translation right here! I can never remember the English for Verbruikerstudies.
This time round my nerves are gnawing at me, a bit more than usual. It feels like I will be judged by the young hopeful kids in front of me, about where they are now and where they will be one day, measured by me and what I say to them and how I am presented to them. I know this is not true and push through the gnawing to deliver my message.
I even sing a song for them, one that I remember from church as a child. “Weet jy nie, weet jy nie, jy’s ‘n tempel? Vol van lof, vol van krag, vol van vreugde” hand movements and all. For the life of me, I do not know the English version of this song, so I am not even going to TRY to translate that one. A few looked at me as if I am Crazy Daisy, others giggled because they knew exactly what I was talking about.
They were, by far, my most interactive audience to date (not that I have done this a 100 times before – this is the fourth school that I have visited). When I asked the question – “Who of you knew that Flamingos are not born pink?” the hands shot up into the air, answering the question that was asked.
Seed was sown, that I know. One girl, who appeared to be in tears, came to thank me for the beautiful message. Absolutely a Holy Spirit inspired moment and all the glory be to God, not to me. Another girl’s spirit was so open and receptive, I spotted her a mile away and told her that too.
Those who chose to take a picture with me for Facebook and Instagram, looked more than chuffed with their aprons. When I look at the photo, I can see the laughter and giggles of the kids. I can feel and see the energy, remembering how it was being 17 or 18 years of age. In a way I miss that, but I am also grateful that I have moved on and am where I am in my life.
The more things change the more they stay the same. This I saw that day again. I wonder how many people have walked through those passages and classes? How many have matriculated there? It feels like an impossible calculation to do. 24 years have flown by in an instant. In the blink of an eye.
I realised again that being a Teacher must be one of THE most difficult jobs under this sun. To teach children from different backgrounds, domestic circumstances, cultures, habits and who knows what else, so that they UNDERSTAND and are able to write exams and pass, is most certainly not everyone’s cup of tea. Not everyone is made for that, I am certainly one of them who is NOT made to be a Teacher!
My prayer is that each student, not only the Consumer Studies students, got a little something that day. That God will water it on the right time so that the trees will grow to produce His fruit, reflecting Pink Feathers for Him.
My mind wanders back to the slogan. Roepingsbewus. I chew on this for a while. What does it really mean? I use Google translate to get the English word. Vocation Conscious I see on my screen. I think to myself, WHAT does Vocation mean? I do not think I have even heard of this word before!!
Yes you guessed it, I Googled the word Vocation too. The meaning? A strong feeling of suitability for a particular career or occupation. WOW!!! This revelation seems even better than the Afrikaans version that I wrote. But it comes down to the same thing. It means to be CONSCIOUS of your CALLING (and in worldly terms career and jobs) that God has called you for.
How interesting is this? The slogan and message that was portrayed comes down to the same thing. God is TRULY AMAZING!!!!!! May everyone that go through those school passages, live that slogan in this world that we find ourselves in.
In my mind I can hear the tune of the school anthem, as I remember it. The words that I am singing in my mind are most certainly wrong, but I am singing it to myself and I know I will remain ROEPINGSBEWUS (or VOCATION CONSCIOUS as I have learnt it is translated into English). Without realising it and making a conscious effort in my life after school, I feel that I have been living this slogan in my life.
Navy hofskoene, silver grey sykouse. As jy my moet vra wat onthou ek van my skooldrag dan is dit seker maar dit. Ek stap deur die ontvangs, seker maar die eerste keer in 24 jaar weer in daglig, op ‘n weeksdag by die skool waar ek gematrikuleer het in.Hoërskool Goudrif. Ek merk die skoolwapen met die leuse Roepingsbewus op teen die muur en wonder of hy altyd daar was, en reken maar dat ek net te min op skool dáár waar die wapen hang, gekom het om te onthou.
Elsabé Lartz ontmoet my net soos ek uit die kleedkamer uitkom – die personneel badkamer wat verbode grond vir kinders is en nou deel van my grondgebied is waar ek mag beweeg. Dis vreemd, ek was oortuig die kleedkamer was groter as wat hy nou voorkom. Ons stap saam na my kar toe om die goedjies uit te haal wat ek saam gebring het. Sy vra uit na my, watter jaar ek gematrikuleer het, wat my nooiensvan was, het ek kinders. Juffrou Lartz is hierdie jaar 20 jaar by díe skool, ons het mekaar spreekwoordelik met 4 jaar gemis in die gange.
Sy sê vir my dat ek seker nog onthou waar die saal is en laat my voor stap. Die oomblik toe ek by die saal instap, is dit asof 24 jaar verdwyn. Die skaam, onseker matrikulant, is vir ‘n oomblik terug. Ek herroep die aand toe ons in Graad 11 as Prefekte aangewys was, hoe ons geoefen het vir ure en ure vir Revue in die einste saal.
Die verhoog pronk breëbors met die trappe en loopvlakke, reg vir Revue om op hom uit te speel. Die saal ruik nog dieselfde. Is dit nie amazing hoe reuke jou terug kan vat in tyd nie? In my geestesoog sien ek hoe ons nog parallel met die verhoog by ons enkel tafeltjies gesit en Rekord eksamen en later ook eindeksamen geskryf het. Eintlik seker maar al die eksamens in ons matriek jaar? Ek kan wragties nie onthou nie.
Sy vra my hoe dit voel om terug te wees by die skool. My antwoord was een woord Weird. Vreemd.Ek staan en soek die hoofdogters se naambord. Neem ‘n foto vir my sussie wat in 1994 hoofdogter was. ‘n Rukkie later kom die klankspan om ‘n mikrofoon vir my op te stel (wat ek toe later besluit om nie te gebruik nie). Een van die seuns vra of ek musiek het wat ek wou speel. Ek kyk verdwaas na hulle – dis wragties NIE iets waaraan ek gedink het NIE. Musiek en ‘n slideshow. “Miskien volgende keer.” Antwoord ek hulle.
Die klok lui vir pouse, die kinders stap die saal binne. Meer as wat ek verwag, Juffrou Lartz het gesê sy het vir haar graad 12’s gesê om ander maats ook te bring al is hulle nie Verbruikerstudie leerders nie.
Die keer knaag die senuwees so bietjie meer as normaal. Dit voel of ek geoordeel gaan word deur jong hoopvolle kinders oor waar hul nou is en waar hul eendag gaan wees, gemeet aan wat ek vir hulle sê en hoe ek voorkom. Ek weet dis nie waar nie en druk deur die geknaag en gaan voort met my boodskap.
Ek sing selfs vir hulle die liedjie wat ek in die kinderkerk onthou. “Weet jy nie, weet jy nie, jy’s ‘n tempel? Vol van lof, vol van krag, vol van vreugde” handgebare en al. ‘n Paar kyk my aan asof ek nou van die lootjie getik is, ander giggel lekker want hulle weet presies waarvan ek praat.
By verre was hulle my mees interaktiefste gehoor ooit (nie dat ek die al 100 keer gedoen het nie – hierdie is die vierde skool wat ek besoek). Toe ek die Vraag vra – “Wie van julle het geweet Flaminke word nie pienk gebore nie?” vlieg daar heelwat hande op en in die lug.
Saad was gesaai, dit weet ek. Een meisie het selfs, wat vir my gelyk het of sy in trane was, my kom bedank vir die mooi boodskap. Absoluut ‘n Heilige Gees geinspireerde oomblik en alle eer aan God, nie aan my nie. ‘n Ander een se gees was net so oop en ontvanklik, ek het haar ‘n myl ver gesien en dit vir haar gesê ook.
Die wat gekies het om saam met my in die Facebook en Instagram foto te wees het meer as in hul noppies gelyk met hul voorskote.As ek kyk na die foto kan ek die opgewondenheid, gelag en giggel SIEN! Ek kan amper tasbaar die energie van die kinders voel. Ek kan nog onthou hoe dit was om 17 of 18 jaar oud te wees. In ‘n mate mis ek dit, maar aan die ander kant is ek dankbaar dat ek is waar ek is in my lewe.
The more things change the more they stay the same. Dit het ek daardie dag weer gesien. Ek wonder hoeveel asems is al deur daardie skoolgange en klasse? Hoeveel het al daar gematrikuleer? Dit voel vir my ontelbaar baie en ‘n moeilike som om te maak. 24 jaar vlieg verby in ‘n oogwink.
Ek besef net weer dat Onderwysers seker een van díe moeilikste werke onder die son moet hê. Om kinders uit verskillende huislike omstandighede, agtergronde, kulture, gewoontes en wie weet wat nog alles te moet leer sodat hulle VERSTÁÁN en kan eksamen skryf en slaag, is nie almal se cup of tea nie. Nie almal is gemaak vir dit nie, ek is vir seker een van hulle!
My gebed is dat elke leerder, nie net Verbruikers leerders nie, die dag ‘n stukkie saam met hulle kon vat. Dat die Here dit gaan natlei op die regte tyd, sodat die bome sal opkom wat Sy vrugte dra en Pienk Vere vir die Here reflekteer.
Ek dink weer aan die skool se leuse. Roepingsbewus. Ek herkou so bietjie aan dit. Wat beteken dit regtig? Ek reken, direk uit dit uit, om BEWUS te wees van jou ROEPING en waarvoor God jou geroep het.
Hoe interessant is dit nie net nie? Die leuse en die boodskap wat oorgedra is, kom op dieselfde neer. Sit in wat nodig is sodat jy jou werk waarvoor God jou geskape het, kan doen – wees bewus van jou roeping. Die Here is voorwaar AMAZING!!! Mag elkeen wat deur hierdie skool se gange stap, die leuse uitleef in hierdie wêreld waarin ons onsself bevind – nie net in hul beroepe nie maar ook dit waarvoor die Here hulle geskape het en op aarde voor gesit het.
In my gedagtes neurie ek die deuntjie van die skoollied soos ek hom ken en onthou. Die woorde is seker verkeerd wat ek in my kop sing, maar ek sing hom vir myself en weet Roepingsbewus sal ek bly. Sonder dat ek dit besef het, het ek doelbewus my roeping, dit waarvoor God my geroep het, uitgeleef in my lewe na skool, voel dit vir my…
Die Jirre lief jou!! Finish & klaar! I read the message on the bottle, jampacked with bran muffins… I cannot help but stare at the paper roses (my favorite flower just so by the way). The one is made from a page from an old storybook which gives it a vintage type look.
I try to get a muffin out of the bottle without it breaking into a million pieces, they are so fresh they are falling apart! Muffins made especially for me by a group of very special students. Children with other needs that we are (or rather I am) used to. Children who also want to claim their place under the sun.
Children of worried parents, wondering if they will survive one day when they (the parents) are not on earth anymore. Children of concerned parents that wonder if they will be able to generate their own income when the breadwinner/s will no longer be able to do so. I walk with someone, with the same first name as what I have, Elsie van Staden (together I refer to us as Elsie to the power of 2 as they refer to it in Mathematical language) through the halls of Oom Paul School in Rustenburg.
We walk past two kids, I hear the one ask the other one “Is that a new teacher?” and I assume that they are referring to me. I grin to myself and think “Noooooooo boy, you do not understand, this lady is not cut out to be a teacher.” It takes SUPER special people to be teachers in my opinion. And I feel like a failure daily when I cannot be patient with my own kids, especially after a long day’s work struggling with slow on-line systems.
Back to the school halls. For those of you who may not know, Oom Paul School is a School of Skills for learners that are referred to them from Main Stream schools. Gold fish that cannot climb trees like the Curriculum expects them to do. They are then placed in the proverbial goldfish pond at Oom Paul School, where they are nurtured, taught and educated at their level. The stream in the main stream is just TOO strong for them and they get lost in the system.
But Oom Paul School is even more different, because they offer Hairdressing AND Food Production, together with other subjects like Science, Social Studies, and so forth. Students who have had to endure disappointment upon disappointment in a Main stream school are accepted here with open arms. Skills are thought to them. How to work PRACTICAL with your hands. Something that I feel is lacking these days. To be trained in a Trade.
These days it seems that everyone is stuck behind a laptop for more than 8 hours a day (myself included), busy doing their work and that while the Trade does not have as many people like in the past (this is my perception, I did not compare it with statistics of some sorts and I may be wrong here). People cannot do practical and physical things it seems, things that this world actually still needs, in spite of where we are when it comes to technology. I know, for the life of me I CANNOT do sewing, let alone to be able to make something fancy in the kitchen.
None the less. God granted me the opportunity on Tuesday 26 July 2022, to serve a small group of students, with His word and knowledge, that He is systematically giving to me and revealing to me about Flamingos. The whole thing that the Blog and Beroepsvrou is about. Pink Feathers for God.
I only realised later, as I sat to make the entry, that my nerves that normally bothers me before a day such as this (like a rodent gnawing away at something), was not even in the close vicinity. I did not have doubts for one second about anything! As I was talking to the children and later the staff too, I quoted scriptures from the Bible. Not the exact words, but scriptures that I feel God is linking to flamingos, interpreted and portrayed in my own words to keep it as simple as possible and to not let it feel like a church sermon.
I later realized that I referred to David and Psalms while I was talking about the scripture to watch over your heart and guarding your heart, when it was supposed to be Solomon and Proverbs. An honest mistake and I trust God understood and everyone heard what they were supposed to hear.
Just a little something extra to add onto the aprons, and I probably have mentioned and said this before, but, when the kids put on the aprons, they are also doing a prophetic action to cover themselves with the breastplate of righteousness. To guard their hearts as Solomon said. Don’t get me wrong – there is NO POWER in the aprons, this is what God revealed to me the deeper meaning of the aprons is.
It takes Flamingos approximately 2 years to turn pink from what they eat, and they only stay pink if they eat the right nutrients…..it is the same with us as Christians. You must constantly take in the right things so that you can have Pink Feathers for God.
I am also certain that the scripture from 1 Thessalonians 5:21 where Paul wrote and said But test all things carefully [so you can recognize what is good] – is like the flamingos, when they filter their food (because they are filter feeders) – they excrete that which is bad and only take in that which is good for them.
Oom Paul School is unique and one of a kind. From Potchefstroom to Wolmaransstad, between Klerksdorp and Brits there is only one fishpond available for all the gold fish that just cannot climb a tree, and that is Oom Paul School. There is a similar school in Krugersdorp and two in Pretoria. That is is as far as I know and have been told.
Unique and one of a kind. Patient and kind is how I would describe the Teachers at Oom Paul School. It takes a super special person to be a Teacher and an Angel to teach kids skills at a place like this.
It seems to me that there is a little piece of heaven on earth, a place where children can be planted to grow so that they can also reach their potential, claiming their spot under the sun. Giving peace of mind to parents that their children will be able to learn something and to know that they will be able to survive one day, when they as parents are not able to look after their children any more. That place is Oom Paul School.
Die Jirre lief jou!! Finish & klaar! Lees ek die boodskappie op die bottel volgeprop met branmuffins (kolwyntjies voel soos die verkeerde woord om te gebruik want daar is nie versiersuiker op nie)… ek verkyk my aan die rosies (my gunsteling blom net so tussen ons) wat uit papier gemaak is. Die een uit ‘n ou storieboek se bladsy, wat dit net so ‘n vintage anderste look gee.
Ek probeer ‘n muffin uithaal sonder dat hy heeltemal disintegreer tussen my vingers, dis so vars, dit val omtrent uitmekaar uit! Muffins spesiaal vir my gebak deur ‘n groepie baie spesiale studente. Kinders met ander behoeftes as waaraan ons (of dalk eerder ek) gewoond is. Kinders wat ook hul plekkie onder die son wil claim.
Kinders van ouers wie bekommerd is of hulle dit eendag gaan maak wanneer hulle nie meer hier op aarde is nie. Kinders van ouers wat wonder of hulle ‘n inkomste sal kan genereer wanneer die broodwinner/s nie meer oor die vermoë beskik om te kan sorg vir hulle nie. Ek stap saam met my naamgenoot, Elsie van Staden (saam verwys ek na ons as Elsie tot die mag 2 soos in Wiskundige taal gepraat) deur die gange van Oom Paul Skool in Rustenburg.
Ons stap verby twee kinders, ek hoor die een vra vir die ander een “Is that a new teacher?” en ek neem aan hulle verwys na my. Ek grinnik stilletjies by myself en dink, “Neeeeeee outjie, jy verstaan nie, die tannie na wie jy kyk is nie uitgeknip om ‘n juffrou se werk te doen nie.” Dit vat SUPER spesiale mense om onderwysers te wees in my opinie. En ek voel daagliks of ek my eie kinders faal wanneer ongeduld na vore kom na ‘n lang dag se werk en gesukkel op stadige aanlyn sisteme.
Terug by die skoolgange. Vir die wat dalk nie weet nie, Oom Paul Skool is ‘n Vaardigheidskool vir leerlinge wat vanaf hoofstroom skole verwys word na hulle toe. Goudvissies wat nie kan boomklim soos die kurrikulum verwag van hulle om te doen nie. Dan word hulle in die spreekwoordelike goudvis dammetjie by Oom Paul Skool gesit, gekoester, geleer en opgevoed op hul vlak.Die stroom in die hoofstroom is net TE sterk vir hulle en daar raak hulle verlore in die sisteem.
Maar Oom Paul Skool is verder nóg effens anders, want hulle bied Haarkappery EN Voedselproduksie aan, saam met ander vakke soos ons almal dit ken – NW, SW, tale, daardie tipe vakke. Leerlinge wat in Hoofstroomskole teleurstelling op teleurstelling beleef, word hier met ope arms ontvang. Hulle word skills geleer. Hoe om PRAKTIES met jou hande te werk. Iets wat ek voel deesdae ontbreek. Om in die Ambag opgelei te word.
Almal sit mos deesdae agter ‘n laptop op hul boudjies vir meer as 8 ure per dag (ek in kluis), besig om hul werk te doen en dit terwyl die Ambagte nie noodwendig nog mense oplewer nie (hierdie is nou net my persepsie en ek mag verkeerd wees – ek het glad nie statistieke gaan trek hieroor nie). Mense kan nie meer prakties en fisies die werk doen wat ons wêreld maar eintlik steeds nodig het nie, ten spyte van waar ons is wat tegnologie aanbetref. Ek weet, for the life of me kan ek NIE NAALDWERK doen NIE en nog minder iets fêncy in die kombuis maak.
Maar nie te min. Dinsdag 26 Julie 2022, het die Here vir my die geleentheid gegun om ‘n klein groepie Verbruikerstudie studente te gaan bedien met Sy woord en kennis wat Hy stelselmatig vir my gee en openbaar oor Flaminke. Die hele ding waaroor die Blog en Beroepsvrou draai. Pienk Vere vir die Here.
Ek besef eers later toe ek sit om die inskrywing te maak dat die nerwe wat my gewoonlik so pla voor so ‘n dag (soos ‘n muis wat aan ‘n kabel knaag) glad nie naby was nie. Ek het nie vir een oomblik gewonder en twyfel het oor enige iets nie! Soos wat ek die kinders toespreek en later ook die personneel, haal ek stukke uit die Bybel aan. Nie presiese verse nie, maar skrif wat ek voel die Here vir my koppel aan flaminke, geinterpreteer en in my eie woorde om dit eenvoudig te probeer hou en nie soos ‘n kerkdiens te laat voel nie.
Ek besef toe wel dat ek die heeltyd na Dawid en Psalms verwys as ek praat van die stuk oor bewaar jou hart terwyl dit eintlik Salomo en Spreuke moes wees. An honest mistake en ek glo die Here verstaan en almal het gehoor wat hulle moes hoor.
Net so ietsie ekstra om aan te sluit by die voorskote, en ek het seker al dit voorheen genoem, maar, wanneer die kinders dit aantrek, beoefen hulle ook ‘n geestelike profetiese aksie om hulself te bedek met die borsharnas van geregtigheid. Dit beskerm hul harte soos Salomo gesê het. Moet my ook nie verkeerd verstaan nie – daar is GEEN krag in die voorskote nie. Dis simboliek en hoe die Here vir my gewys het wat die voorskoot eintlik beteken.
Dit neem Flaminke ongeveer 2 jaar om pienk te word en hul bly slegs pienk as hul die regte voedingstowwe inneem….dis dieselfde met ons as Christene. Jy moet konstant die regte goed inneem sodat jy Pienk Vere vir die Here kan hê.
Ek is ook seker dat die skrif uit 1 Thessalonicense 5:21 waar Paulus skryf en sê Beproef alle dinge, behou die goeie – is soos die flaminke wat hul kos filter (omdat hul filtervoerders is) – hulle skei uit dit wat sleg is en neem slegs dit wat goed en reg is in.
Oom Paul Skool is uniek en enig in sy soort. Van Potchefstroom tot Wolmaransstad, tussen Klerksdorp en Brits is daar net een visdam beskikbaar vir al die goudvissies wat net nie kán boom klim nie, en dis Oom Paul Skool. Daar is nog ‘n soortgelyke skool in Krugersdorp en twee in Pretoria. Dis dit sover ek weet en vertel was.
Enig en uniek in hul soort. Lankmoedig en geduldig is hoe ek die Onderwysers by Oom Paul Skool sal beskryf. Dit vat ‘n besonderse mens om ‘n Onderwyser te wees en ‘n Engel om kinders vaardighede te leer soos hier by hierdie plek.
Dit wil tog vir my voorkom of daar wel ‘n stukkie hemel op aarde is, ‘n plekkie waar kinders geplant kan word om te groei om ook hul potensiaal te bereik, om hul plekkie onder die son op te eis. Vir ouers gemoedsrus gee dat hul kindertjies wel ietsie sal kan leer en weet, sodat hulle kan oorleef eendag wanneer ouersorg nie meer moontlik is nie. Daardie plekkie is Oom Paul Skool.
When I initially started this entry, I thought by myself that it is actually artificial (is that the right word to use here? Or is superficial a better word….?) to write about something like this. It is almost like my entry about the centimeters that I had lost, that can be seen as superficial. Though someone told me that the particular entry that I wrote just motivated her to push through with something else….so then it cannot be THAT superficial, can it…?
With the sky covered with clouds, raining ever so lightly, at Magalies Park holiday resort (where we are currently finding ourselves), I reckoned that this is a good place to get the fire burning in the fireplace, to snuggle under a blanket, taking on (and finishing) this entry that I have had doubts about.
As I was showering the other day, I thought about so many things, this entry as well as the one about the unplanned weight loss. I feel a movement in my spirit and the word transformation is all that I can think of.
I realise that the Holy Spirit is showing me that which I had written about, is actually part of a transformation process, to change me Elsie Potgieter. From a normal letter in a document that just flows with the rest to a Capital Bold letter, one that stands out above the rest and is more noticeable.
The point I am trying to make is that I feel that God is busy with a transformation in and through me and of course that is going to manifest in the flesh (in a good way, not the bad manifestation that we normally link to the word manifest).
You see, the world that we live in is a fast paced, fast moving place these days. Almost everything happens on social media. There are so many platforms available that people actually feel overwhelmed by everything and don’t even always know what to look at that is meaningful.
As you may know, I attended a Masterclass hosted by Alétte Winckler in April. During this presentation, she gave a lot of stats about things. How long it takes to create an impression, that woman actually dress to impress other woman rather than their husbands – purely because we live in this very competitive space.
Mrs. So and So MUST be thinner than the one next to her, must have better, prettier hair, make up, clothes, you name it, it must be better. And let me tell you, if Mrs. This and That is not feeling up to her standards and because she fetched her kids from school in her slippers, she does not hesitate to comment and discuss someone else that is dressed better than her on that day that she chose to not put her make up on or even shoes for that matter!
Back to the point that I want to make. The transformation is busy happening. I did not get up one day and decided that by a certain date in 2022 I have to loose this amount of centimeters. And by that date in 2020 I was supposed to have this, that and the next done to transform on the outside.
No, it is almost likemy one teacher at school said – every day’s little bit every single day. Bit by bit God is busy stretching me, moving me out of my comfort zone so that I can do His work that He has called me for.
If you do not risk it, you will not win it. I don’t know if this makes sense, in Afrikaans we say Wie nie waag nie sal nie wen nie. My previous sentence was just a direct translation but I am sure you catch my drift here. Sometimes we have to move out of the little block we have placed ourselves in. You know – out of your comfort zone. It starts with something simplistic as changing your hair, that gives you just that little bit of confidence that is needed.
My blog articles that I write, has a purpose and that purpose is to motivate others and to build them up. We are all caught up in this rat race. The balance I feel is just not there! Between work, kids, exercising, preparing meals, eating healthy and everything in between, leaves very little room to truly spend time with God.
Yet the time with Him is so much more important than all our earthly and fleshly needs. Many people that read my entries are working mothers. Full time in a very demanding line of work. Time to exercise is non-existent! Let alone eating healthier AND spending time with God! Not even touching on all the other things we have to spend time on, demands that must be met!
My prayer stays the same – that which I write about will encourage people, letting them know you are not alone. We are all in the same space. We have to MAKE time! I feel if I can do it, then anyone can! It makes me think of a song written by Josh Wilson – That was then, this is now. We all were somewhere and over time we have changed, (hopefully) moving closer to God in the process.
Toe ek aanvanklik hierdie inskrywing begin doen het, het ek by myself gedink dat dit eintlik oppervlakkig is. Amper soos wat dit vir my voel my inskrywing oor my sentimeters wat ek verloor het as oppervlakkig gesien kan word. Tog het iemand vir my gesê daardie spesifieke inskrywing het haar net weer gemotiveer om deur te druk met iets anders…. so dan kan dit seker nie SO oppervlakkig wees nie… kan dit?
Met die wolke dig toegetrek en reën wat liggies val by Magalies Park vakansie oord (waar ons onsself tans bevind) het ek gereken dis eintlik ‘n goeie plek om die kaggelvuur te laat aansteek, onder ‘n kombers in te kruip en die inskrywing, waaroor ek so baie twyfel maar tog aan te pak en klaar te maak.
Soos wat ek een oggend in die stort staan en dink oor so baie goed, insluitend hierdie inskrywing (en die een oor my onbeplande gewigsverlies) voel ek ‘n roering in my gees en die woord transformasie kom by my op.
Ek besef die Heilige Gees wys my dat dit waaroor ek geskryf het eintlik deel van ‘n transformasie proses is om my, Elsie Potgieter, te verander. Van ‘n doodgewone letter in ‘n dokument wat net saam met ander vloei en nie regtig uitstaan nie, na ‘n hoof vetgedrukte (in Engels noem ons dit Bold en ek weet eerlik nie wat die mooi Afrikaans vir Bold is nie) letter toe wat uitstaan bo die ander en meer opvallend is.
Sjoe, die vorige sin het my skoon uitasem en ek het dit nie hardop geuiter nie! Ek hoop die kommas is almal op die regte plekke sodat die leser dit kan lees EN asemhaal. Nie te min. Die punt wat ek probeer maak is, die Here is besig met ‘n transformasie in en deur my en dit gaan natuurlik in die vlees begin manifesteer (op ‘n goeie manier nie die slegte manifestasies nie, soos ons geneig is om te koppel aan die woord manifesteer).
Jy sien, die wêreld waarin ons leef is deesdae ‘n fast paced, fast moving plek. Amper alles gebeur op sosiale media. Daar is soveel platforms tot ons beskikking, dat mense eintlik oorweldig voel deur als en eintlik nie weet eers waarna om te kyk wat sinvol is nie.
Soos julle dalk mag weet, het ek ‘n Masterclass by Alétte Winckler in April bygewoon, en in hierdie voorlegging het sy ‘n klomp stats gegee oor goed. Hoe lank dit vat om ‘n indruk te skep, dat vrouens eintlik aantrek om ander vrouens te beindruk, eerder as hul mans (want ons bly in hierdie kompeterende spasie).
Mevrou So en So móét maerder wees as die een langs haar, mooier, beter hare, grimering, klere, you name it, dit moet beter wees. En laat ek jou vertel, as Mevrou Dit en Dat nie op standaard voel nie, want sy het haar kinders by die skool gaan afhaal in haar slippers (dit klink net beter as pantoffels) huiwer sy nie om enige iemand anders wat beter as sy geklee is te bespreek en kommentaar oor te lewer nie. Die gesprekke begin bloot omdat sy daardie dag gekies het om nie grimering aan te sit nie en dalk ook skoene ontbreek en nou voel of sy afsteek teen ander.
Terug by my punt wat ÉK wil maak. Die transformasie is besig om te gebeur. Ek het nie op ‘n dag opgestaan en besluit – teen hierdie datum in 2022 wil ek soveel sentimeters verloor nie. En teen daardie datum in 2020 moes ek nou al dit, dat en die volgende gedoen het om te transformeer in die uiterlike nie.
Nee, dis amper vir my soos my een juffrou op skool gesê het – elke dag se bietjie elke liewe dag. Bietjie vir bietjie is die Here besig om my te rek en strek en uit my gemaksone te skuif sodat ek Sy werk kan doen waarvoor ek geroep is deur Hom.
Wie nie waag nie sal nie wen nie. Soms moet ons uit die blokkie wat ons om onsself getrek het tree. Jy weet – uit jou comfort zone uit. Dit begin by iets eenvoudig soos om jou hare te verander wat jou net die bietjie confidence gee (ek kan nie dink aan die Afrikaanse woord nie en die Engelse woord maak net ‘n beter indruk voel dit vir my).
Dit waaroor ek skryf, se doel is om ander te stig en te motiveer. Ons almal is in hierdie rot-resies vasgevang. Die balans voel vir my is net nie daar nie. Tussen werk, kinders, oefen, kos maak en gesond eet en alles tussen in, is daar bitter min tyd om werklik tyd saam met God te spandeer.
Tog is die tyd saam met Hom belangriker as al ons vleeslike behoeftes. Baie wat my inskrywings lees, is werkende mamma’s. Voltyds in ‘n very demanding line of work. Tyd vir oefen is daar nie! Wat nog te praat van gesonder eet EN dan nog tyd saam met die Here? Nie eens al die ander goed wat ons aan moet voldoen en tyd aan spandeer in ag geneem nie!
Ek bid steeds dat dit waaroor ek skryf mense sal bemoedig en laat weet you are not alone. Ons is almal daar. Ons moet die tyd maak! Ek voel as ek dit kan doen, kan enige iemand dit doen! Dit laat my dink aan ‘n liedjie geskryf deur Josh Wilson – That was then, this is now. Ons almal was iewers en het met tyd verander en (hopelik) nader aan God beweeg in die proses.
An idea pops in my head as I settle down behind my computer, with the late afternoon sun shining through the window over my keyboard. I see a little train taking on a steep hill, he is working hard and I hear the noise that he is making I-know-I-can-I-can-do-it-I-know-I-can-I-can-do-it rather than the normal chugga-chugga-chugga sound that a steam train makes.
I don’t know if this is now just by accident that I remember a picture from my childhood or whether I watched a story at some time with this image. But I do know that God showed it to me for a reason.
None-the-less, the sun is LOVELY here and I realise just HOW privileged I am to be right here at this very moment. This month’s scripture is also one of my favorites, from Philippians. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.
You see, like the little train, it sometimes feels to me, and probably to others too, that I have to get on top of this massive hill called life. Along the way there are challenges, nowhere in the Bible we are exempted from a life without challenges. But, we are guaranteed that God is next to us and we can do things through Him that gives us strength.
We have to choose how we see the challenges. The road of uncertainty and with no clear footpath that we sometimes feel that we are on, uncertain of where we must go or whether we are on the right road. Or the potholes that make us move a bit slower than what we want to so that we cannot climb out the hill as quickly as we think we should.
Again this scripture is so accurate at this point in time, I cannot help but want to give God a fist pump. You see, like my previous entry stated – the dynamics in the firm has changed and things are landing up back on my desk. Sometimes I wonder if I really will be able to deal with it all and other times I just know that we will be more than ok.
God is busy showing us the way, filling our engines with coal and lighting it up so that we can get to the top of the hill. When I feel down and out about things that I must do and deal with, changes with authorities and systems that I perceive to be not so great in my opinion (if I may give an opinion at all), then I look at this scripture and I see the train.
God’s train. I am His train, as I climb the hill, with smoke coming from my engine as a sign that I am His and that His fire is burning inside of me (not pollution type of smoke – I am sure you understand what I am trying to say here). Smoke that is a sign for other engines that they must get their coal loaded, filled with God’s word and to get it lit by the Holy Spirit, so that they too can climb steep hills.
Where is your train? Do you feel like you cannot go on anymore? Do you have enough coal to burn? Maybe we should start there! You cannot run on fumes and expect get to the top of the hill. You must ensure that your engine is filled with God’s word so that the Holy Spirit can strike the match to burn the coal, turning it into energy. It is only then when Philippians 4:13 can be activated in your life, enabling you to do everything through Christ that gives you strength.
I-know-I-can-I-can-do-it-I-know-I-can-I-can-do-it I hear my engine’s efforts to get up the steep hill that I feel is lying in front of me. Maybe it is not so steep and hard? Maybe I am just not yet close enough to know that it is actually only a little speed bump. But until then I will repeat the words from scripture. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Soos wat ek hier agter my rekenaar inskuif, met die laat middag son wat deur die venster oor my sleutelbord (hoe is dit nou vir ‘n mooi Afrikaanse woord eerder as keyboard soos ons maar geneig is om die Engels in te gooi tussen die Afrikaans wanneer ons praat?) kom daar ‘n gedagte by my op.
Ek sien ‘n treintjie wat teen ‘n bult uit ry, hy stoom hard en aanhoudend en ek hoor die geluid wat hy maak Ek-weet-ek-kan-ek-kan-dit-doen-ek-weet-ek-kan-ek-kan-dit-doen eerder as die tjoekoe-tjoekoe-tjoekoe geluid wat ‘n stoomtrein gewoonlik maak. Ek weet nou nie of dit dalk per ongeluk ‘n prentjie uit my kinderdae is wat ek dalk iewers gelees het of ‘n storie gekyk het nie maar ek weet wel dat die Here dit vir my gewys het vir ‘n doel.
Nie te min, die sonnetjie is HEERLIK hier en ek besef net weer HOE bevoorreeg ek is om nou op hierdie oomblik hier te wees. Die maand se skrif is weer een van my gunstelinge uit Filippense uit. Ek is tot ALLES in staat deur Christus wat my krag gee.
Jy sien, soos die treintjie, voel dit soms vir my, en ek is seker vir ander ook, of ek hierdie moewiese bult van die lewe moet uitklim om bo uit te kom. Langs die pad is daar uitdagings, nêrens in die Bybel word ons gevrywaar van ‘n lewe sonder uitdagings nie. Maar, ons word wel gewaarborg dat God aan ons sy is, en ons goed kan doen met Hom wat ons krag gee.
Ons moet kies hoe ons die uitdagings sien. Die spoorlose pad wat ons soms voel ons moet volg, onseker oor waarheen ons moet gaan en of ons wel op die regte pad is. Of die slaggate wat maak dat ons net so effe stadiger moet ry en nie vinnig genoeg na ons sin aan die bo kant van die bult uit kom nie.
Weereens is hierdie skrif vir my op hierdie tydstip net so akkuraat, ek kan nie anders as om die Here ‘n fist pump te wil gee vir die een nie. Jy sien, soos my vorige inskrywing gelui het, weet julle seker nou dat die dinamika in die firma verander het en goed weer terug land op my tafel. Soms wonder ek of ek dit regtig alles sal kan behartig en ander kere dan weet ek net dat ons sal ok wees.
Die Here is besig om vir ons die pad te wys en die steenkool in ons enjins te sit en aan die brand te steek, sodat ons die bult wel kan uitklim en bo uit kom. Wanneer ek mismoedig raak oor alles en nog wat, wat ek moet doen en hanteer, veranderinge van owerhede, sisteme wat sommer net nie lekker is nie, in my opinie (as ek nou my opinie kan en mag gee), dan kyk ek na die skrif vers en sien ek die trein.
God se trein. Ek is Sy trein wat, soos wat ek die bult uitbeweeg, rook by my enjin laat uitkom wat ‘n teken is dat ek Syne is en dat Sy vuur in my brand (nou nie lugbesoedeling tipe rook nie – ek is seker julle verstaan wat ek bedoel). Rook wolke wat ‘n sein vir ander treintjies stuur om hul steenkool gelaai te kry, opgevul met God se woord en aan die brand te kry, deur die Heilige Gees, sodat hulle ook hulle bulte kan uitklim.
Waar staan jou treintjie? Voel jy of jy nie meer kan nie? Het jy genoeg steenkool om te brand? Miskien moet ons daar begin! Jy kan nie op fumes hardloop en die bult uitkom nie. Jy moet sorg dat jou enjin met God se woord opgevul is, sodat die Heilige Gees die vuurhoutjie kan brand wat die steenkool laat verander in energie. Dis slegs dan wat Filippense 4:13 geaktiveer kan word in jou lewe en jy in staat is om alles te doen deur Christus wat jou krag gee.
Ek-weet-ek-kan-ek-kan-dit-doen-ek-weet-ek-kan-ek-kan-dit-doen hoor ek my enjin kreun teen die stywe bult wat ek voel voor my lê. Miskien is hy nie so styf en styl nie? Miskien is ek net nog nie naby genoeg om te weet dat dit eintlik net ‘n klein hoogtetjie is nie. Maar tot dan gaan ek die skrif vers herhaal. Ek is tot alles in staat deur Christus wat my krag gee.
We all know that there are different seasons and that they all come to an end while moving over to the next one. Not just physical seasons like summer, winter, autumn and spring. No. Emotional and spiritual seasons too.
As it is written in Ecclesiastes 3, there is a time for everything. I think Solomon thought DEEP about things and managed to capture it in words so that we can read it decades and generations later. When I was younger, many of the things he wrote did not make sense to me at all.
But now that I have come of age (how is that for a fancy way of speaking English?) and am perhaps a bit wiser, and I also believe the closer I move to God, many more things start to make sense to me. You see, when you are young, you believe so many lies. Like that 40 is so far away. People that have been out of school for 24 years are old. And that life will stay the same for ever.
Well then. At age 41 I know that 40 is much closer as what I could ever imagine and that 50 is just a nudge away it feels. I AM now part of the people that have been out of school for 24 years, I do not feel ancient, so that statement cannot be true.
The biggest lie that exists is, is that life will stay the same for ever. This is actually two lies caught up into one. Firstly, nothing in life stays the same and secondly no one lives for ever.
So what am I actually trying to say with all my philosophical sayings and thoughts? Well, today, a curve ball was bowled my way and now I must play the shot. I hope I will be able to hit it for a 6, but, I will only know later and not as quickly as one normally knows in a 20/20 cricket match.
You see, the dynamics in our firm is changing. My little sister, the sister from another mister, the trainee (who has not been a trainee for a long time) has to spread her wings. She is ready to leave the nest. To leave footprints of light in the world.
I truly hope that she charged enough with us, not that we are the main source of energy and light. But I believe that we were (and are) like one of the stations where you can recharge your vehicle (the electronic type) to take you further on your journey.
I believe that we are plugged into the Main Source, namely God, and that we managed to carry out His message as we went about working. We laughed a lot, cried a bit less and many times out of frustrations about circumstances that are beyond our control, just looked at each other, shaking our heads and moved on with what needed to be done.
I mean, what employer asks a friend of the bride if she works with her (that while she was working with me)? We still laugh about that extreme blonde moment that I had. But that is how I saw her – rather a little sister or friend than an employee.
I pray that we equipped her with the knowledge the world expects her to have i.t.o. her training and qualification. That she will be more than a gain for any employer. Was it not Richard Branson that had this awesome quote?
Train people well enough so they can leave.Treat them well enough so they do not want to. I truly hope that we got the first part of the quote right and that the reason for her leaving is not due to us abusing and mistreating her.
Maréchelle, you will be missed. I saw you grow up in front of my eyes. From a shy 21 year old girl, to a confident woman and mother with knowledge and wisdom. Stay the person who you are. Make deep impressions in other people’s hearts like you did in ours. Most important of all – let your light shine, as brightly as it possibly can.
With sadness (I could not find the appropriate word for heimweë in English – all I could find is homesickness and that seems to be the wrong word to use) we are now watching how the little bird is ready to leave the nest and spread her wings. We said our goodbyes and cried our tears today. Lynette Berger of Probeta and EI Activator said that someone once told her Jump but build your wings on the way down. There is never a right time in ones life. You must just trust God with the decisions that you have made. Maréchelle, may your wings be built as you take this leap of faith. We are rooting for you from the sidelines!
Ons almal weet daar is verskillende seisoene en dat hulle tot ‘n einde kom en oorgaan in ‘n volgende een. Nie net fisiese seisoene soos somer, winter, herfs en lente nie. Nee. Emosionele en geestelike seisoene ook.
Soos wat dit in Prediker 3 uiteengesit is, dink ek Salomo het DIEP gedink oor goed en dit neergepen vir ons om dekades en generasies later te kan lees. Toe ek jonger was, het baie goed wat hy geskryf het glad nie sin gemaak nie.
Maar noudat ek ouer word, dalk wyser ook en ek glo soos wat ek nader aan God beweeg, begin soveel meer goed vir my sin maak. Jy sien, as jy jonk is, glo jy ‘n paar onwaarhede. Soos dat 40 ongelooflik ver is. Mense wat 24 jaar terug in matriek was stokoud is. En dat die lewe dieselfde gaan bly vir ewig.
Nou ja. Op 41 weet ek dat 40 baie nader is as wat ek ooit kon dink en dat 50 ‘n katspoegie ver is, voel dit vir my. Ek IS nou deel van die mense wat 24 jaar gelede gematrikuleer het, ek voel nie stokoud nie, so daardie stelling kan ook nie waar wees nie.
Die grootste onwaarheid wat daar bestaan, is dat die lewe dieselfde gaan bly vir ewig. Dis eintlik twee onwaarhede vervat in een. Eerstens bly die lewe nie dieselfde nie en tweedens niemand leef vir ewig nie.
Wat probeer ek nou eintlik sê met al my filosofiese oordenkinge? Wel, vandag is ‘n curve ball my kant toe geboul en nou moet ek die hou speel. Ek hoop ek slaan hom vir ‘n 6, maar ek sal eers later weet, nie nou al en so vinnig soos in ‘n 20/20 krieketwedstryd nie.
Jy sien, die dinamika in ons firma gaan verander. My klein sussie, sister from another mister, die klerk (wat lankal nie meer ‘n klerk is nie) se vlerke moet gesprei word. Sy is reg om die nes te verlaat. Haar ligspore te saai in die wêreld in.
Ek hoop sy het genoeg gelaai by ons, nie dat ons die hoofbron van energie en lig is nie. Maar ek glo ons was (en is) soos een van die stasies waar jy jou kar kan herlaai (die elektroniese soort) om jou verder te vat na die volgende deel van jou reis.
Ek glo dat ons wel ingeprop is by die Hoofbron, God en dat ons wel Sy boodskap en wil kon oordra soos wat ons gewerk het. Ons het baie gelag, minder gehuil en baie uit frustrasie met omstandighede buite ons beheer net vir mekaar gekyk en aan beweeg met dit wat ons moes doen.
Ek meen, watter werkgewer vra op haar kombuistee vir ‘n vriendin van die bruid of sy saam met haar werk (terwyl sy saam met my gewerk het)? Ons lag nou nog oor my dowwe oomblik wat ek gehad het. Maar dis hoe ek haar gesien het – eerder as ‘n kleinsussie of vriendin as ‘n werknemer.
Ek bid dat ons haar toegerus het met die wêreldse kennis wat sy kon opdoen i.t.v. haar opleiding en kwalifikasie. Dat sy meer as net ‘n aanwins kan wees vir enige werkgewer. Was dit nie Richard Branson wat hierdie awesome quote gehad het nie?
Train people well enough so they can leave. Treat them well enough so that they do not want to. Ek hoop regtig dat ons die eerste deel van die quote wel aan voldoen het en dat die rede vir die weggaan nie is weens ons mishandeling nie.
Maréchelle, jy gaan gemis word. Ek het jou sien grootword voor my oë. Van ‘n skaam onseker 21 jarige dogtertjie voel dit vir my tot ‘n volwaardige vrou en mamma met selfvertroue, kennis en wysheid. Bly die persoon wie jy is. Trap diep spore in ander se harte soos jy in ons harte getrap het. Belangrikste van alles – laat jou lig skyn, so helder as wat hy kan skyn.
Met heimweë kyk ons nou hoe die babavoëltjie reg is om haar vlerke te sprei. Ons het ons groete gegroet en huile gehuil vandag. Lynette Berger van Probeta en EI Activator het gesê dat iemand vir haar gesê het Jump but build your wings on the way down. Daar is nooit ‘n regte tyd in mens se lewe nie. Jy moet net die Here vertrou vir besluite wat jy geneem het. Maréchelle, mag jou vlerke gebou word soos wat jy die sprong neem! We are rooting for you from the sidelines!
It is 19 June – Father’s day 2022. We are, yet AGAIN late for church. And it is not because we planned it like this or slept until ten past nine. No, that is just how our morning worked out to be. We are working hard at being on time, but it is something that we just cannot achieve at this stage it seems.
At one stage while we are driving to the church, it just felt like we are not getting there while the time is just passing by. Time and tide waits for no man is what went through my mind at that stage. I have been thinking about that saying for a few days now and realised just how true it really is.
At one stage I almost even gave up hope of getting to church. Almost thought that we are going to do something else rather than to attend church. But luckily, we arrived. Rather late than never.
The guest speaker, Alan Sutton takes the stand on the stage. I hang onto every word that this oom is saying (uncle just sounds wrong because to me he is an oom like we refer to elder men in Afrikaans), because, inside me, it is as if that which I have been feeling for such a long time, has been put into words even better than what I could ever tell. He brings together two things that I never thought of in this manner.
Gifts of the spirit and fruits of the spirit. He continues to explain that the Holy Spirit works IN you and then THROUGH you. I hope I remembered correctly, but working IN you is the fruit of the Spirit. You know – the scripture in Galatians where it talks about love, patience, those things that I did not display in the early morning hours this past weekend, when my son, who struggled to sleep again, came to me for help. I was Momster AGAIN.
None the less. Then the Holy Spirit works THROUGH you and this is where the gifts of the Spirit come in. The word of knowledge, speaking in tongues, those things. The stuff that I always thought, growing up, was only available to the people from the Bible and more so, only the disciples and not for us living in modern times.
As he was talking, I suddenly, randomly and out of nowhere, saw a Prism. You know – the one we used at school in Science? The one where you shine the white light in and it breaks it up into the seven colours of the rainbow. That Prism.
I realised that God used this vision, if I can refer to it as such, to show me even better what the oom means. You see, you must first allow the Holy Spirit to work IN you (God’s pure white light shining INTO the Prism) and then He can work THROUGH you (the rainbow colors that is reflected from the Prism). The rainbow colors shows to the world the beauty of God – and the rainbow is God’s promise to us is it not?
We must be light bearers in this dark world. And we must show the world the fruit of the Spirit. Every day, not only Sundays. In everything that we do. This is something that I stand for and what God showed me years ago already. Something I strive for on a daily basis. Something that Kobus Windt, our pastor, also says quite often – sleeping in a garage does not make you a car. In the same manner you cannot be a proper Christian if you only go to church on a Sunday and only act like a Christian on selected times.
I grasp almost immediately what the oom meant and wonder if everyone listening to him really grasped it? You see, something else that I stand for is Righteousness. To ALWAYS do the right thing, even if no one is watching.
This is the symbolic meaning of the Beroepsvrou aprons – the breastplate of Righteousness, when you serve your family while preparing the meals that must feed everyone physically (but also spiritually). You see, I recon you must first get this concept right with those closest to you, before you can show it to the world.
It is not always easy. Like this past weekend’s Momster that came out in me. You see, the moment that my children, that are big and supposed to sleep through, prevent me from sleeping or wake me up just as I had fallen asleep, then Momster comes out sometimes. I sometimes struggle to sleep, if you were wondering why this is such an issue to me. These days the struggle is less than what it used to be in the past. I try my utmost best to be patient in the middle of the night and many times I do get that part right. But, there is the exception to the rule, when I am extremely tired and slept terrible a few nights before, that I fail in this.
To get back to the oom’s message – there are some other things that he said that caught my attention, with scripture, that I want to blog about. And that is God’s breath in our lungs and looking for God in everything (God is in the detail). I am therefore not going to expand on this right now, I will keep that for another entry or two. Because I cannot remember if I have written about this yet? You see, I write as much as what I talk and I talk as much as what I write, I cannot always remember what were mere thoughts and what were words spoken or written.
The long and the short of the message and that which God showed me – are you going to be a prism for Him so that He can use you to expand His kingdom? Are you going to allow His light to shine in and through you so that you can reflect to the world the colours of the rainbow?
I know I am there – more than prepared to be a prism for God’s kingdom. Hundred and ten percent. I am all in for God and His kingdom. Every time I hear the song from Matthew West called All in then I think, I recon I am all in. Boots and all. I want to shout from the rooftops that I am His, like the song from Kim Walker called Rooftops.
It is strange to me that everyone does not feel like I feel. It is then so obvious and logical. I recon God is busy getting everyone’s prisms ready and perhaps why they do not feel quite as passionate yet as what I do.
Some are not in the correct spot where the light shines on it and comes in at the right angle. They are close but not there. Other prisms are still in their boxes that they came in, or perhaps they even placed God in a box, so that the light cannot reach them.
Where does your prism stand? Are you in a place where you can receive God’s light? Have you taken God out of the box you have tried to place Him in? Do you allow Him to work IN you so that He can work THROUGH you? What does your fruits of the Spirit look like and your Spiritual gifts? Are you doing what God placed you on earth to do?
I hope and believe that I do! I don’t always get it right, but I believe that my prism is standing ready to receive God’s light to reflect it back to the world, so that He can work IN me and then THROUGH me as and when needed!
Dis19 Junie – Vadersdag 2022. Ons is ALWEER laat vir kerk. En nie omdat ons dit so beplan het of tot tien oor nege geslaap het nie. Nee, dit het net so uitgewerk. Ons werk hard aan betyds wees maar dit voel my dis iets wat ons ontglip die heeltyd.
Op ‘n stadium toe ons ry, voel dit of ons net nie by die kerk kom nie, dit alles terwyl die tyd net aanstap. Time and tide waits for no man dink ek. Ek dink al ‘n paar dae aan die gesegde en besef net hoe waar dit eintlik is.
Op ‘n kol het ek amper moed opgegee om by die kerk uit te kom. Amper gedink ons gaan maar iets anders doen eerder as kerk toe gaan. Maar gelukkig kom ons daar aan. Liewers laat as nooit.
Die gasspreker, Alan Sutton kom aan die woord. Ek hang aan die oom se lippe want dis asof dit wat ek binne my voel, in nog beter woorde omskep word as wat ek ooit dit sou kon vertel. Hy bring vir my twee goed bymekaar, iets wat ek nooit saam aan gedink het nie.
Geestelike gawes en Vrug van die Gees. Hy gaan voort om te verduidelik dat die Heilige Gees IN jou werk en dan DEUR jou werk. Ek hoop nou ek het reg onthou, maar IN jou werk is die Vrug van die Gees. Jy weet die skrif wat in Galasiërs staan – liefde, lankmoedigheid, daai goed wat ek die afgelope naweek in die vroeë oggend ure, toe my seun weer nie kon slaap nie, glad nie gewys het vir hom nie. Ek was Momster gewees.
Nie te min. Dan werk die Heilige Gees DEUR jou en dis waar die Gawes van die Gees in kom. Die woord van kennis, profesie, tale, uitleg van tale – daai goed. Die goed wat ek altyd, toe ek groot geword het, gedink het NET beskore was vir die mense van die Bybel, en meer nog NET vir die dissipels en nie vir ons hedendaagse mense nie.
Soos die oom praat begin ek skielik (en randomly out of nowhere voel dit vir my) ‘n Prisma sien voor my. Jy weet – die wat ons op skool in Wetenskap gebruik het? Die een wat jy die wit lig laat inskyn het en hy dit opbreek in die sewe kleure van die reënboog.
Ek besef die Here gebruik die visioen, as ek dit nou so kan noem, om vir my nog meer te wys wat die oom bedoel. Jy sien, jy moet eers toelaat dat die Heilige Gees IN jou werk (God se suiwer wit lig wat IN die Prisma skyn) en dan kan Hy DEUR jou werk (die reënboog kleure wat uitkom uit die Prisma uit). Die reënboog kleure wys vir die wêreld die mooi van God – en die reënboog is mos God se belofte aan ons as mens, is dit dan nie?
Ons moet mos ligdraers wees in hierdie donker wêreld. En ons moet vir die wêreld wys dat ons Vrug van die Gees het. Elke dag, nie net Sondae nie. In alles wat ons doen altyd. Dis iets waarvoor ek staan en wat die Here jare terug reeds vir my gewys het. Waarna ek streef elke dag. Iets wat Kobus Windt, ons pastoor, ook gereeld sê – as jy in ‘n garage slaap maak dit jou nie ‘n kar nie. Net so is jy nie ‘n volwaardige Christen as jy kerk toe gaan en slegs op selektiewe tye Christenskap beoefen nie.
Ek snap amper dadelik wat die oom bedoel en wonder net of almal wat na hom luister dit werklik snap. Jy sien, nog iets waarvoor ek staan is Geregtigheid of Righteousness soos dit net vir my mooier klink in Engels. Om ALTYD die regte ding te doen al kyk niemand nie.
Dit waarvoor Beroepsvrou se voorskote simbolies is – die borsharnas van geregtigheid wanneer jy in bediening staan vir jou gesin met die voorbereiding van die maaltyd wat hulle moet voed (fisies en geestelik ook). Jy sien, ek reken jy moet eers dit met jou naaste mense mee regkry voor jy dit vir die wêreld kan gaan wys.
Dis nie altyd maklik nie. Soos ek wat die afgelope naweek ALWEER Momster was. Jy sien die oomblik dat my kinders, wat nou al groot is en veronderstel is om deur te slaap, my verhoed om te slaap of uit die slaap hou, kom Momster soms uit. Ek sukkel meeste van die kere om te slaap, as jy gewonder het hoekom ek na dit verwys. Deesdae slaap ek beter as voorheen. Iets waaroor ek dankbaar is! Ek probeer my bes om geduld in die middel van die nag te beoefen en baie keer kry ek dit reg. Maar daar is die uitsondering op die reël, wanneer ek besonders moeg is en baie sleg geslaap het dat ek vaal hierin.
Om terug te kom na die oom se boodskap toe – daar is nog iets wat hy gesê het wat my aandag gevang het en skrif wat hy genoem het waaroor ek lankal wil blog. En dit is God se asem in ons longe en om die Here te soek in alles (God is in die detail). Ek gaan dus nie nou hieroor nog verder uitbrei nie, ek gaan dit hou vir ‘n ander inskrywing of twee. Want ek kan ook nie onthou of ek al oor so iets geskryf het nie? Ek skryf so baie soos wat ek praat en praat so baie as wat ek skryf, ek kan nie altyd onthou wat was gedagtes en wat was werklik geuiter of geskryf nie.
Die lang en die kort van die oom se boodskap en dit wat die Here vir my gewys het – gaan jy ‘n Prisma wees vir Hom sodat Hy jou kan gebruik om Sy koninkryk uit te brei? Gaan jy toelaat dat Sy lig in jou skyn sodat jy dit kan terug reflekteer vir die wêreld in die kleure van die reënboog?
Ek weet ek is daar – meer as bereid om die prisma vir God se koninkryk te wees. Honderd en tien persent. I am all in vir God en Sy koninkryk. Elke keer as ek die liedjie van Matthew West hoor All in dan dink ek, dat ek reken ek is all in. Boots and all. Ek wil van die dakke af skree vir die wêreld dat ek Syne is soos Kim Walker sing in haar liedjie Rooftops.
Dis vir my vreemd dat almal nie voel soos ek voel nie. Dis dan so logies, eenvoudig en voor die hand liggend (moes daar nou ‘n handvol koppeltekens ingekom het in die laaste woord of stelling?). Nie te min. Ek reken die Here is besig om almal se prisma’s reg te kry en miskien daarom dat hulle nie noodwendig passievol oorkom vir Sy koninkryk nie.
Sommige staan nog nie op die plek waar die lig skyn en op die regte plek val nie. Hulle is naby maar nog nie daar nie. Ander prisma’s is nog al die pad in hul boksies waarin hulle hulself, of dalk selfs God, geplaas het dat die lig net nie hulle bereik nie.
Waar staan jou prisma? Vang jy God se lig op? Het jy al die Here uit die boksie gehaal waarin jy Hom probeer plaas? Laat jy Hom toe om IN jou te werk sodat Hy DEUR jou kan werk ook? Hoe lyk jou Vrug van die Gees en jou Geestelike gawes? Doen jy waarvoor God jou op aarde geplaas het?
Ek hoop en glo dat ek doen. Ekkry dit nie altyd reg nie maar ek glo dat my Prisma regstaan om God se lig terug te weerkaats vir die wêreld, sodat Hy IN my kan werk en dan DEUR my werk soos en wanneer dit nodig is!
Waking up on Monday morning, I feel exhausted, like usual, dragging myself to sit behind the computer to do my work. I struggle to get going. I feel overwhelmed by everything that must happen. Mondays in particular feel short to me. I normally struggle to get into a working mode after a weekend and sometimes I need a weekend after the weekend to just recover from being busy the two preceding days.
While doing my make up, I feel the thoughts moving through my mind and it feels like 1 million things all at once. When is my own hair going to be nice and thick and long like it was before the Pandemic (and maybe even before my mom’s death)? When will I be able to walk into a shop and buy a denim and know that it fits? Without it looking like I jumped from the top of the cupboard to fit into the pants? Why do I write a Blog? Do people really benefit from it? Do I spend enough time with God?
What is on my planning in terms of work for today and the week ahead? Have I REALLY lost weight and centimeters? Is everyone not lying to me? I still cannot find a denim that fits! The joys of being an A-shaped body type. What if all the coffee I have been consuming is actually making me fatter and is busy working against all the exercising? Oh my word, I have eaten A LOT of rusks the past few weeks!!!! I am going to be bloated like a piece of dough….
Do I spend enough time with my kids? Is my child studying enough for school? Are we not supposed to do something more to help him? My word, I suppose I have to wash my hair again, my scalp is itchy. I work out in my mind about washing hair (yes, really, it needs planning too it feels). I am exercising today and Wednesday so it does not help to wash it today or before Wednesday. My day is short today! What am I getting my husband for his birthday? I miss my mom. I wonder about my two sisters and if they have settled in, living happily ever after. I think it will be nice to move. Or will it? Urgh, who is going to do the sorting and throwing away of stuff? We have gathered junk over time that was just supposed to be thrown away to begin with!!
More and more thoughts are just going through my mind, occupying me while getting ready to tackle the day ahead. It frustrates me to do make up daily. Even if it is the bare minimum, it feels like it wastes time. But I do not like going without make up, feeling pale. I like dressing up, making myself look pretty with make up. It frustrates me even more spending so much time blow drying my hair. It also feels like a waste of time, but I look like a lion that stuck its finger into a plug if I do not make it look pretty.
I realise that there is a bit of a cloud hanging over me, something that does not happen that often in comparison with my younger years. I am not sure what the name of the cloud is, but I sense it. I proceed, doing my thing for the day. I get dressed for exercise, travel to Harties, elated to see that I have a training buddy in the Mom’s class. Something that I have not had for about 6 weeks. Or is it 8 weeks? The time flies so quickly I cannot keep count any more.
For 6 (or 8) weeks or how long ever it may be, I have been exercising alone. My fellow moms in the Moms’ class have all disappeared. Just like that, poof and in the blink of an eye, after the April holidays, it was just me. I wonder if the raptures have taken place when it comes to exercising? Am I the only one that did not make the cut for the exercise raptures? There was someone else once or twice during this time, but she decided to stop the class in the time slot that we exercise. She always has work meetings that do not keep to the scheduled time and then she misses class.
In these 6 to 8 weeks that I had been exercising alone, I wanted to give up many times. Stop exercising. I worked out in my mind that I spend 2 hours a week travelling to exercise. I am sure I can do more in that time at home, maybe even exercise for longer. Yeah right I answer myself in the process. It is no fun exercising alone. My kids are not there (their class is closed until August), all my fellow moms are gone, it is just me and the trainer. There is nothing wrong with her. I just do not know her. And she does not know me. The first exercise that she made me do, I thought Seriously, must I pick up weights this light? I can do heavier.
I then tell her that she is welcome to push me a bit harder to exercise more and use heavier weights – I will say something if I cannot do it. I understand that she has no idea where my fitness levels are and what I am capable of and hence the reason for starting with such light weights. As the time passes, I got used to exercising on my own, I even started to enjoy it. I never experienced personal training before in my life and it was actually very nice! A small little blessing from God’s hand, just so that I can say on my CV one day – received personal training (not that I put stuff like that on a CV but I am sure that you understand what I mean). I don’t even have a CV. Anyway MOVING ON!
It was as if she was customising the exercises for me and all my problem areas! She forced me to jog. The first few times I gave her a bit of lip, because I do not like jogging at all. But I do it anyway. I actually start enjoying it – still not CRAZY about it but I know it does something for the goal I am working towards. Sometimes I cannot put one foot in front of the other after one round’s exercise, but the jogging is nice some how in a weird and unique way. To clean your head some how and to just recover from the hard work during the WOD.
Monday, after the exercise session, I am measured. Again I am sweating in strange places, like I have been doing since I started my personal training (unwillingly). Marisa was so excited after taking my first measurement – around my waist. I lost 8 centimeters! I look at her and think she must be joking. She pinches and measures me in weird places whose names I cannot pronounce, writing it all down. I can feel how the cloud that was hanging around my head is lifting away – was I subconsciously nervous about the measurements and that I would deliver no results?
Today, Thursday 16 June 2022, I received my results. A total of 23,5 cm was lost (that is if I doubled the right results – because I have two legs and arms and only one of each was measured). Really? Can it be? I did not purposefully take on a weight loss challenge. I mean, I have been exercising with the purpose of losing weight, but in the 2 years I have been doing so, I have not really lost any weight or centimeters, in my opinion. I really thought I was going to be one of those people who is now exercising only to not put on more weight. I will stay Dik-a-licious as my husband often jokes with me, singing parts of the song by Snotkop, trying to lift my mood if I feel down about my weight.
With a grateful and thankful heart, I designed something to show the results better so that one can see where I have lost what. I am sharing it with this entry. I also went to count how many weeks it was since my last measurement. It was 7 and a half weeks ago that I measured and officially started training with Marisa. Just between us – I have never in my life done anything like this, measuring myself and then comparing results later. It is all a new concept to me. In this time I also did not exercise 2x per week every week, due to public holidays, a sore throat, swine flu, bronchitis and who knows what was standing between Marisa and I exercising.
I am convinced in my heart that, if I had eaten better and exercised 2x per week in that time, the results would have been even better. I am super excited about the journey that lies ahead. Eventually I feel like I am on the right road. I still drink my coffee, full cream milk coffee nogal and more than one per day. I cut back on the number of cups per day, as well as taking in starch during the week and empty calories in the form of chocolates, salty snacks, chips and so forth. I must now just work purposefully at my rusks intake. Good golly miss Molly, I just LOVE rusks with a lovely full cream milk coffee!
I don’t think I am THERE when it comes to food. I know I can do better. With God’s help and guidance, I can do even better. But, in my heart I feel that I must make small changes over a period of time, lifestyle changes you know? Rather than one massive change all at once. I just cannot cope with too much change at once. Every day’s little bit every single day.
Exercising twice per week for longer times does deliver good results! I cannot exercise five days in the week, as I really would like to do! As I close off here, I realise that God gave me one of my heart’s desires without me nagging Him for it day in and day out. A few years ago, I looked with puppy dog eyes, at a friend’s post on Facebook about her weight loss results, the photo of the big T-shirt vs the size she wore at that time (and still does), probably while I was munching away at another piece of rusk and not exercising at all.
I look at the title for this entry and laugh by myself. I recon I wrote about everything in between too. I realise again that God is in the detail, as usual. He knows what He plans for us. Plans of prosperity. Even if it is something as small and insignificant like becoming fitter, losing weight and becoming firmer. Something I always said that I will do ONE DAY. Well, my ONE DAY has arrived and it was also because I did something purposefully about it. I did not continue to moan and groan with a chocolate in one hand and a Coke in the other hand, all the time while not exercising.
Maandagoggend staan ek op. Moeg, soos altyd voel dit, en sleep weer myself om te gaan sit voor die rekenaar. Ek sukkel om aan die gang te kom. Voel oorweldig deur als wat moet gebeur. Veral Maandae voel vir my kort. Ek sukkel gewoonlik na ‘n naweek om weer te werk en soms kort ek ‘n naweek na ‘n naweek om te recover van die besig wees die twee dae voor dit.
Terwyl ek my grimering doen gaan daar, wat voel soos 1 miljoen goed, deur my gedagtes alles op dieselfde tyd. Wanneer gaan my eie hare nou lekker dik en lank wees soos wat dit was voor die Pandemie (en dalk nog voor my ma se dood)? Wanneer gaan ek weer by ‘n winkel kan instap en net ‘n denim koop en weet hy pas? Sonder dat dit lyk of ek van die kas af ingespring het om in die broek te pas? Hoekom skryf ek ‘n Blog? Baat mense by dit? Spandeer ek genoeg tyd saam met God?
Wat is op my beplanning i.t.v. werk vir vandag en die week wat voorlê? Het ek REGTIG gewig en sentimeters verloor? Jok almal nie vir my nie? Ek kry dan steeds nie ‘n denim wat lekker pas nie. The joys of being an A-shaped body type. Wat as al die koffie wat ek so lekker aan weglê in die winter my eintlik vetter maak en teen al die oefening werk? O genade, ek het BAIE beskuit geëet die afgelope ruk!!! Ek gaan soos ‘n stuk deeg begin uit rys…
Spandeer ek genoeg tyd aan my kinders? Leer my kind genoeg vir skool? Moet ons nie nog iets doen om hom te help nie? Jitte, ek moet seker weer een of ander tyd my hare was, my kopvel jeuk. Ek werk uit in my kop oor die hare was (ja regtig dit kort ook beplanning voel dit vir my). Ek oefen vandag en Woensdag so dit help nie om dit vandag of voor Woensdag te was nie. My dag is kort vandag! Wat gaan ek vir my man kry vir sy verjaarsdag? Ek mis my ma. Ek wonder oor my twee susters en of hulle nou lekker bly. Ek dink dit sal lekker wees om te trek. Of sal dit? Urgh, wie gaan al die uitsorteer en wegsmyt werk doen? Ons gaar dan goed op wat eintlik lankal weggegooi moes wees!!
So gaan daar net nog meer en meer gedagtes deur my en okkupeer my terwyl ek klaar maak om die dag aan te pak. Dit frustreer my om elke dag te moet grimering doen, al is dit net die minimum, dit voel of dit tyd mors. Maar ek loop nie graag sonder grimering nie, ek hou nie van vaal voel nie. Ek hou van mooi maak. Dit frustreer my nog meer om so baie tyd te spandeer om hare droog te blaas. Dit mors ook tyd maar ek lyk soos ‘n leeu wat sy vinger in ‘n prop gedruk het as ek nie dit netjies maak nie.
Ek besef daar hang ‘n effense wolk oor my, iets wat redelik min deesdae gebeur in vergelyking met toe ek jonger was. Ek kan nie vir jou sê wat is die wolk se naam nie, maar hy is daar. Ek gaan aan en werk en doen my ding. Trek aan om te gaan oefen, ry Harties toe, verheug om weer ‘n metgesel in die Mom’s class te hê. Iets wat ek 6 weke laas gehad het. Of is dit nou 8 weke? Die tyd vlieg so verby ek hou nie meer tred nie.
Vir 6 (of 8) weke of hoe lank ookal dit mag wees, oefen ek alleen. My mede moms in die Moms’ class het almal net verdwyn. Net so poof in ‘n oogwink, na die April vakansie, toe is dit net ek. Ek wonder of die wegraping gebeur het wat oefen betref? Is ek die enigste een wat nie die cut gemaak het vir die wegraping nie? Daar was so een of twee keer iemand anders, maar sy het maar besluit om op te hou oefen op die tyd wat ons doen, want sy het altyd werksvergaderings wat gewoonlik nie by hul tyd hou nie en dan mis sy klas.
In hierdie 6 tot 8 weke wat ek alleen geoefen het, wou ek al baie keer moed opgee. Ophou oefen. Ek werk in my kop uit dat ek 2 ure per week spandeer om heen en weer te ry om te oefen. Ek is seker ek kan baie meer in daardie tyd by die huis doen, dalk nog langer self oefen. Yeah right antwoord ek myself in die proses ook. Dis nie lekker om alleen te oefen nie. My kinders is nie daar nie (hul klas is toe tot Augustus toe), al my mede moms is weg, dis net ek en die afrigter. Daar is niks fout met haar nie. Ek ken haar net nie. En sy ken my nie. Die eerste oefening wat sy my laat doen het, het ek gedink Seriously, moet ek nou sulke ligte gewigte optel? Ek kan swaarder.
Ek sê maar toe vir haar dat sy welkom is om my te druk om meer en swaarder te oefen – ek sal sê as ek nie kan nie. Ek verstaan sy het nie ‘n idee waar my fiksheidsvlak is en waartoe ek in staat is nie en daarom dat ons so lig begin het. Soos wat die tyd aangaan, het ek begin gewoond raak aan die alleen oefen, dit eintlik begin geniet. Ek het nog nooit personal training beleef in my lewe nie, en dit was heerlik gewees! So ‘n ou blessing uit God se hand, net sodat ek ook eendag op my CV kan skryf – received personal training (nie dat ek nou sulke goed op ‘n CV skryf nie maar ek is seker jy verstaan wat ek bedoel). Ek het nie eens ‘n CV nie. Anyway MOVING ON!
Dit was asof sy die oefeninge customise vir my en al my probleem areas! Sy forseer my om te draf. Die eerste paar keer gee ek haar so bietjie lip want ek hou niks van draf nie. Maar ek doen dit tog. Ek begin dit eintlik geniet, die drawwery nou – steeds nie MAL oor dit nie maar ek weet dit doen iets vir die doel waarheen ek werk. Al kan ek soms nie een tree voor die ander gee na ‘n rondte se oefening nie, is die draf lekker op ‘n unieke manier. Om kop te kan skoonmaak op ‘n manier en net recover na die harde werk in die WOD.
Na die oefening Maandag, word ek gemeet. Ek sweet alweer op vreemde plekke, soos wat ek gedoen het sedert ek personal training onwillekeurig ontvang het. Marisa is so opgewonde toe sy my eerste mate neem – om my middel. Ek het 8 sentimeter verloor! Ek kyk so na haar en dink eers sy maak ‘n grap. Sy knyp en meet verder op weird plekke wie se name ek nie kan uitspreek nie en skryf alles neer. Ek voel hoe die wolkie begin lig wat oor my kop gehang het – was ek die heeltyd, onbewustelik nervous oor my meting en dat ek eintlik niks sou verloor nie?
Ek ontvang vandag, Donderdag 16 Junie 2022 die resultate. ‘n Totaal van 23,5 cm wat verloor is (dis nou bygesê as ek die regte resultate verdubbel het want ek het twee arms en bene en net een van elk was gemeet). Regtig? Kan dit wees? Ek het dan regtig nie doelbewus ‘n gewigsverlies ding aangepak nie. Ek meen, ek oefen omdat ek graag maerder wil word maar omdat ek vir 2 jaar eintlik nie regtig in my opinie sentimeters of gewig verloor het nie, het ek begin dink ek is maar dan een van daai mense wat maar net oefen om nie dikker te word nie. Ek sal maar Dik-a-licious bly soos my man soms grap en die liedjie van Snotkop sing om my op te beur as ek mismoedig voel oor my gewig.
Met ‘n dankbare hart het ek ‘n ietsie ontwerp om die twee resultate teen mekaar af te speel sodat mens nog beter kan sien waar ek wat verloor het. Ek deel dit graag met hierdie inskrywing. Ek het ook gaan tel oor hoeveel weke dit was sedert my eerste meting tot die afgelope week. Dit was 7 en ‘n halwe weke terug dat ek gemeet het en amptelik by Marisa begin oefen het. Net so tussen ons – ek het nog nooit in my lewe gemeet soos wat sy my gemeet het nie – dis alles ‘n nuwe konsep vir my. In die tyd het ek nie altyd 2x per week geoefen nie a.g.v. vakansie dae en ‘n seer keel, varkgriep, bronchitus en wie weet wat nog wat ons terug gehou het sodat ek en Marisa nie kon oefen nie.
Ek is in my hart oortuig, as ek beter geëet het en 2x per week geoefen het in die tyd, dat die resultate nog meer sou wees. Ek is super opgewonde vir die reis wat voorlê. Uiteindelik voel dit vir my of ek op die regte pad is. Ek drink steeds my koffie, ‘n volroom melkkoffie nogal en meer as een per dag. Ek het wel gesny op dit, stysel inname in die week en leë kalorieë in die vorm van sjokolades, sout happies, skyfies, en so meer. Ek moet nou net weer doelbewus werk aan my beskuit inname. Liewe hemel maar ek is lief vir beskuit saam met ‘n heerlike volroom melkkoffie!
Ek dink nie ek is al DAAR wat kos aanbetref nie! Ek weet ek kan beter. Met die Here se hulp en leiding kan ek verseker nog meer verbeter. Maar, ek voel in my hart dat ek klein veranderinge moet doen oor ‘n tydperk, lifestyle changes jy weet? Eerder as massiewe aanpassings op een slag. Ek kan net nie cope met te veel verandering op een slag nie. Elke dag se bietjie elke dag.
Twee maal per week oefen vir langer tye het tog ‘n goeie resultaat! Ek kan nie vyf dae ‘n week oefen soos ek graag sou wou nie. Soos wat ek hier afsluit, besef ek, dat die Here een van my hartsbegeertes laat waar word het, sonder dat ek heeldag en aldag oor dit geneuel het by Hom. Ek het so ‘n paar jaar terug met leep ogies gekyk hoe ‘n vriendin haar gewigsverlies resultate op Facebook geplaas het, die Groot T-hemp teen die grootte wat sy nou dra afgeneem het. In verwondering gestaan, tien teen een terwyl ek weer ‘n stuk beskuit in my mond geprop het en glad nie geoefen het nie.
Ek kyk weer na my opskrif vir hierdie inskrywing. Ek grinnik by myself. Ek reken ek het oor alles tussen in ook gepraat. Ek besef net opnuut dat God in die detail is, soos altyd. Hy weet wat Hy vir ons beplan. Planne van voorspoed en nie teëspoed nie. Al is dit iets onbenullig soos om fikser te word, gewig te verloor, ferm te word. Iets wat ek altyd gesê het ek EENDAG sal doen. Wel, my EENDAG het gearriveer en dit was ook omdat ek iets daadwerkliks omtrent dit begin doen het en nie aanhou sanik het met ‘n sjokolade in die een hand en ‘n Coke in die ander hand nie, dit alles terwyl ek glad geen oefening ingekry het nie.
The scripture for this month is from Proverbs. It is so interesting to me, yet I am not surprised that each month’s scripture verses on the desk pad calendar have been so applicable and appropriate in my life thus far.
Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. I have thought about this a lot and what it actually means. Thank goodness I have a bible application on my phone where I can compare different versions. At first I read this in the Afrikaans 1953 version. I decide to read it in the Amplified version too.
After reading it in this version, a better and brighter light goes on for me. To me it feels as if the interpretations in brackets after each part of the verse explains it a bit better. You see, it does not say that you have to sit and do nothing. You must not sit and wait for your proverbial ship to come in (only realising later that you have been waiting at the airport or train station rather than at the harbour). Nor does it imply that you have to wait for the “right” time.
Not at all! You must place your works, that which you do, at God’s feet and trust Him with it. Your plans and things that you do will work out when you submit to His will and when you listen to His guidance in your life.
During the month of May I wondered a lot about something (that which I felt that God was pressing on my heart to do) and whether I should or should not do it. 30 May 2022 I received a video from someone via Whatsapp. I did not watch it immediately, as it arrived during work hours and I am supposed to work during that time rather than watching Whatsapp videos. And just like that, the day passes and I completely forget to watch the video.
That evening, around 7 o’clock, I received exactly the same video from a friend who does not know the other person that sent me the video earlier that day. There was no way that my friend would have known that I received the exact same video that morning. But God knew it. You see, I prayed and asked for a sign for that which I felt that God placed on my heart to do.
I then received it in a total different manner than what I expected to receive it. Sometimes we are so narrow minded and want to receive, like Gideon, exact answers and signs, as WE want it and think it should be. The content of the video? An attorney that testifies how he flew on a small plane with a pilot that passed out when they flew into the clouds.
Long story short, he and the other passenger managed to get hold of a control tower and that person lead them through the clouds, warning them of a mountain they would have flown into had they not changed their direction. This was so profound to hear this. As this is exactly how I feel in my life.
It feels like I am flying in thick clouds, uncertain of where I am going with Beroepsvrou. I do know that I should listen to my instincts, as my instincts come from God. He is busy leading me. I stood in awe when I read the June scripture two days later, on my desk pad. I was in awe about God and how big He is. How could I have known last year, when I selected the scriptures randomly for each month, that the one for June would be perfect for what is happening in my life right now?
Some days the clouds feel thicker than others. I just know that I must listen to my Control Tower’s voice. He can see everything. I can hardly see three steps ahead of me. Even if what I must do makes no logical sense at that point in time, I just know, that if I do not do it, I will fly into a mountain.
I cannot see the Person in the Control Tower. But I can listen to His voice, following His exact instructions, irrespective of what is busy happening around me. Irrespective if it feels as if more clouds are moving in. It links up with this month’s scripture so beautifully. Making me realise again HOW BIG God is!
Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. Trust Him. Listen to Him. Even if nothing makes sense. Even if life throws you curve balls that you did not expected. God is in tomorrow and next week and next year. He knows what is going to happen. Sometimes He lets things fall into place without you realising what is busy happening.
Things happen at times, which are so frustrating to me and which I do not always understand. But it is in these situations that I must trust God. Listening to His voice and following His instructions, how strange they may seem to me and those around me. As the clouds roll in, it sounds as if my frequency with the Control Tower is not that clear and becomes static, causing me not to hear clearly.
I tune in again by reading my Bible and seeking God’s hand in little things and daily bible verses. God is in the detail. I sit and blog, because it is as if my frequency is tuned in when I do this and I can hear clearer than before. As I close off this article, I just know, deep down inside my spirit, that the decision that I took after receiving the video, was the correct one.
The clouds are still coming in and the devil is trying to silence the Voice with distractions, but I know what I have to do. It is what it is, it is my destiny. The place where my life (and us as a family) is going. I pray for little turbulence and that we will not become nauseous as we proceed through everything, and that we will come out stronger on the other side (like we normally do when we go through things in our life). I ensure that my radio’s frequency is tuned in, before I take on the next part of the flight, the one that feels like it is in thick clouds.
Hierdie maand se skrif vers kom uit Spreuke uit. Dis vir my so interessant, dog nie verbasend nie, dat die skrifverse vir elke maand op die desk pad kalender, so van toepassing is (of is dit nou was?) tot dusver.
Laat jou werke aan die Here oor, dan sal jou planne uitgevoer word. Ek het al baie gedink hieroor en wat dit nou eintlik beteken. Dankie tog ek het ‘n bybel toepassing (fêncy woord vir application) op my foon wat verskillende vertalings kan vergelyk. Ek gaan lees hom in die Amplified weergawe.
Daar gaan ‘n beter en helderder liggie vir my aan toe ek dit in hierdie weergawe lees. Die interpretasies in hakkies langs elke deel in die skrif vers verduidelik dit so bietjie beter voel ek. Jy sien, dit sê nie jy moet agteroor sit en niks doen nie. Jy moet nie sit en wag vir jou spreekwoordelike skip om in te kom nie (om later agter te kom jy was die heeltyd by die lughawe of treinstasie terwyl jy eintlik by die hawe moes wees nie). Of wag vir die tyd om reg te wees nie.
Nee, glad nie. Jy moet jou werke, dit wat jy doen, voor die Here se voete plaas en dit aan Hom toevertrou. Jou planne en werke sal deurgevoer word wanneer jy aan Sy wil onderdanig is en na Sy leiding in jou lewe luister.
Ek het Mei maand baie gewonder oor iets (wat ek gevoel het die Here op my hart geplaas het om te doen) en moet ek of moet ek nie. 30 Mei 2022 ontvang ek ‘n video van iemand via Whatsapp. Ek kyk hom nie dadelik nie, want dit het in werkstyd gearriveer en ek moet mos nou werk in daardie tyd, nie Whatsapp video’s sit en kyk nie. So gaan die dag verby en ek vergeet skoon om die video te kyk.
Daardie aand, seker so 7 uur, ontvang ek presies dieselfde video van ‘n vriendin af wat nie die ander persoon wat dit die oggend vir my gestuur het ken nie. Daar was geen manier dat my vriendin enigsins kon weet dat ek dieselfde video ontvang het vroeër die dag nie. Maar die Here het wel dit geweet. Jy sien, ek het gebid en gevra vir ‘n teken vir dit wat ek voel Hy op my hart geplaas het om te doen.
Toe ontvang ek dit op ‘n heeltemal ander manier as wat ek verwag het. Ons is soms so narrow minded en wil soos Gideon ons presiese antwoord en teken van God te ontvang soos ONS dit wil hê en dink dit moet wees. Die inhoud van die video? ‘n Prokureer wat getuig hoe hy op ‘n klein vliegtuig gevlieg het saam met ‘n vliënier wat bewusteloos geraak het toe hulle in die wolke in gevlieg het.
Lang storie kort, hy en die ander passasier in die vliegtuig kry toe ‘n beheertoring in die hande deur die radio en daardie persoon het hulle gelei in die wolke, hulle gewaarsku teen ‘n berg waarin hulle sou vasvlieg as hulle nie van koers verander het nie. Dit was vir my so profound gewees om dit te hoor. Want dis presies hoe ek voel in my lewe.
Dit voel of ek in digte wolke vlieg, onseker waarheen ek oppad is met Beroepsvrou. Ek weet wel dat ek na my instinkte moet luister want my instinkte kom van die Here af. Hy is besig om my te lei. Toe ek twee dae later die skrif vir Junie lees op my desk pad, staan ek net in verwondering. Oor God en hoe groot Hy is. Hoe sou ek enigsins laas jaar geweet het, toe ek die desk pad se skrif verse randomly toegeken het aan elke maand, dat die een vir Junie perfek sou wees vir wat in my lewe gebeur?
Sommige dae voel die wolke digter as ander. Ek weet net ek moet na my Beheertoring se stem luister. Hy kan alles sien. Ek kan skaars drie treë voor my sien. Al maak dit wat ek moet doen nie noodwendig sin op daardie oomblik nie, weet ek net dat as ek dit nie doen nie, ek in ‘n berg sal vas vlieg.
Ek kan nie die Persoon in die beheertoring sien nie. Maar ek kan na Sy stem luister, Sy instruksies volg, ongeag wat besig is om te gebeur om my. Ongeag of dit voel of daar nog meer digte wolke besig is om in te beweeg. Dit sluit vir my so mooi aan by die maand se skrif. En laat my net weereens besef HOE GROOT God is!
Laat jou werke aan die Here oor, dan sal jou planne uitgevoer word. Vertrou Hom. Luister na Hom. Al maak goed nie sin nie. Al gooi die lewe curve balls na jou toe wat jy nie verwag nie. Die Here is reeds in môre en volgende week en volgende jaar. Hy weet wat gaan gebeur. Soms laat Hy goedjies in plek val sonder dat jy besef wat besig is om te gebeur.
Tot my grootste frustrasies by tye gebeur dinge wat ek nie altyd verstaan nie. Maar dis in hierdie situasies wat ek die Here moet vertrou en na Sy stem moet luister, Sy instruksies volg, hoe vreemd dit ook al mag klink en lyk vir my en die om my. Soos wat die wolke in rol, klink dit of my frekwensie by tye krapperig raak en ek nie die Beheertoring lekker duidelik kan hoor nie.
Ek verstel dit deur die Bybel te lees en God se hand in goedjies en daaglikse bybel verse te soek. God is in the detail. Ek gaan sit en blog want dan is dit asof my frekwensie weer reg gestel word en ek beter kan hoor. Soos wat ek afsluit, weet ek net binne in my gees, dat die besluit wat ek tog wel geneem het na die video wat ek ontvang het, die regte een was.
Die wolke kom steeds in en die duiwel probeer die Stem stil maak met distractions maar ek weet wat ek moet doen. Dit is wat dit is, dis my bestemming, my bestuuring. Die plek waarheen my (en ons as gesin) se lewens oppad is. Ek bid maar net vir min turbulensie en dat ons nie naar sal raak soos wat ons deur alles gaan nie en dat ons wel sterker aan die ander kant sal uitkom (soos wat ons maar altyd doen wanneer ons deur dingetjies gaan in ons lewens). Ek maak seker dat my radio se frekwensie reg is, voordat ek die volgende deel van die vlug, in wat soos digte wolke voel, aanpak.
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